Pictures Drawn in Shadow
by Elcie
Summary: Abandoned and incomplete SnapeOC romance. Can the obsessive young Snape find and keep love in a world where 'Men's happiest hours are pictures drawn in shadow? All reviews are welcome and appreciated!
1. New Horizons, New Hopes

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
"Alas for human destiny! Man's happiest hours Are pictures drawn in shadow. Then ill fortune comes, And with two strokes the wet sponge wipes the drawing out. And grief itself's hardly more pitiable than joy." -From "The Agamemnon" by Aeschylus  
  
Chapter 1: New Horizons, New Hopes  
  
Fanny arrived at the black iron gates of Hogwarts late one November evening. The carriage that she had boarded in Hogsmede now stopped by a small stone gatehouse, orange and quavering in the light of the torches. Through the blurred wet glass, Fanny saw a figure emerge from the little building; it tapped on the door of the carriage before pulling it open. The shape resolved itself into the withered, wiry frame of a man in a guard's uniform bearing the Hogwarts crest. He leaned into the carriage and barked "Papers please." It was the end of a long and tiring journey, and Fanny spilled the contents of her travel bag on the floor of the carriage as she rifled through it. "I don't have all night you know," the guard said. She hastily searched the dark floor for her documents, and handed them to him, bent and damp. Her letter of transfer, and admission notice were in order, but the gateman was overzealous, and made her stand in the rain while he inspected her trunk.  
  
A polite cough sounded and Fanny and the guard looked up to see the young and friendly face of a gigantic man staring down at them from over the eight foot gate. "I don't think the lass' got anythin' to hide Barty," he said, and he winked at Fanny.  
  
The guard looked up at the young man with undisguised annoyance. "Just doing my job," he said.  
  
"Looks like you're doin' more 'n that. Just suppose to check her papers, you are." The young man opened the gate and stepped through. He was so tall that Fanny had to bend her neck straight back to look him in the face. "I'll take 'er up from here," he said. The guard grumbled loudly, but returned Fanny's papers and waved her through. "We've been expectin' you Miss Bowley," the giant man told her as they shook hands. "Hagrid's my name. I'm the groundskeeper here at Hogwarts. 'S not far to the castle now, we can walk from here." Hagrid picked up Fanny's trunk and led the way. There wasn't much to see at first along the winding tree lined path, but after a few hundred yards, the trees thinned, and the castle came into view. One thousand points of light shone from windows and ramparts illuminating the twenty story structure, turrets and towers. Fanny stopped and her eyes grew round in awe. "Beautiful ain't it?" said Hagrid. "Best castle in Britain if you ask me. Certainly got the most personality!" Fanny nodded in agreement. The castle grew steadily on the horizon as they continued and five minutes later the pair stood in the great entrance hall. Headmaster Dippet, a tall stern looking man, was waiting for them.  
  
"Thank you Hagrid, you may go now," he said in clipped, curt tones, as the gamekeeper lumbered inside and dropped Fanny's trunk in a corner.  
  
"Yes, sir," Hagrid replied, and, turning to Fanny added "I'm in the hut by the forest if ya ever need anythin' Miss," before leaving.  
  
The headmaster waited until the front door closed before he crossed the room to shake Fanny's hand. "Welcome to Hogwarts, Miss Bowley," he said. "I am Headmaster Dippet. I'm sure you are tired, so I shall leave you retire to your dormitory, but first we must establish your house, of course." He chortled a little, but stopped when he saw Fanny's stony expression. "Please follow me." He led her across the hall to an elaborate fireplace carved with four animal motifs, coiling and writhing around each other: snake, badger, eagle, and lion. The creatures seemed almost to be competing, each striving to subdue and overtake the others and from where Fanny stood the snake appeared to be winning. The headmaster cleared his throat, and said, rather pointedly, "Whenever you're ready Miss Bowley."  
  
Glittering floo powder landed on the fire, and a green flame burst forth. Fanny stepped into the blaze at Dippet's heels, shouted "the Headmaster's office" as he had done, and shortly stumbled into the coldest, most severe room she had ever seen. The furniture looked as if it were hewn from stone, so angular, gray and hard it was; even the fire that ignited when floo-flame died shone with an icy white light. Fanny shivered and put her hands in her pockets.  
  
Efficiency was tops in Dippet's books, and by the time she appeared, he had already set to business. A battered and torn hat rested quietly in his hands and he dropped it on Fanny's head without explanation the moment she was seated. A few long moments passed in silence. Looking around the room, she could see a shelf behind the desk, on which, judging by a clean circle in the dust, she figured the hat must normally rest. Suddenly a voice, that seemed almost to be inside her very head, roared "Ravenclaw!" Fanny almost jumped out of her skin from startled surprise.  
  
"What.?" Fanny began. But Dippet was on the move again, and had promptly removed the hat from her head, restoring it to the clean spot on the shelf.  
  
"Ravenclaw. That's curious," he said. "You're mother was Slytherin, if I remember correctly. Students often take their parents house you see."  
  
"Was my father in Ravenclaw?" The words were out of her mouth before she could think, and she regretted them immediately. She didn't know much about her father and preferred to keep her ignorance to herself. The headmaster did not seem bothered by her lack of knowledge, however, and simply looked at her for a few moments before he replied.  
  
"Your father did not attend Hogwarts. Didn't you know?" Fanny turned red. The headmaster continued. "Well, I think that is enough excitement for one evening. Time for bed." He ushered her onto her feet and through the fireplace to the Ravenclaw dormitories. A blonde freckly girl about Fanny's age sat by the fire reading a mossy green book that softly hummed "The Foggy Dew". At their sudden appearance, the girl stood, flushed, and awkwardly introduced herself as a seventh year named Linda. The Headmaster, apparently eager to be rid of Fanny, passed her off the young blonde girl before quickly exiting. Linda eyed her curiously and led her through a long hall to the room they would share for the year.  
  
"It's very comfortable," she said, "I'm sure you'll be happy here." She waved one hand towards a double canopy bed that lay empty. A shiny new plaque that read "Fanny's Bed" was attached to the footboard, and her trunk rested nearby. Without unpacking, or even changing into night clothes, Fanny thanked Linda and collapsed on the bed into an exhausted sleep.  
  
Nothing travels faster than the speed of gossip. By breakfast, the entire school knew Fanny's name and house. When she entered the great hall that morning and took a seat at the Ravenclaw table, every person in the room eyed her curiously. A few students even stood on their chair to get a better look, but sat down after only a few moments. If they were expecting someone outlandish, Fanny certainly disappointed. She looked ordinary enough: average height, average build, brown hair cropped straight at her chin, pretty, but not enough to stand out in a crowd. On closer inspection, one would notice that she seemed somehow old fashioned, and carried herself a little more stiffly than other young women her age. But, being early in the morning, the students did not scrutinize, and saw only an average seventeen year old girl. It was not her appearance that sparked curiosity though, but her sudden and unexpected arrival: one did not simply show up at Hogwarts mid-term expecting an education.  
  
Only a few weeks ago, Fanny was settled in America with her mother, attending a small local school of magic. The school had few students, and only one clique, from which Fanny had been expelled in her second year. Nauseous after a night of reckless candy consumption, Fanny had accidentally given Anna Mason a handlebar moustache in charms class. Anna was humiliated and vengeful, and used her clout as the most popular girl in town to ensure that Fanny lost all her friends. But while life at school became increasingly unpleasant, Fanny was always happy at home. Her mother, in Fanny's young eyes, was the epitome of perfection. Gene Bowley, a pretty dark haired witch, was well liked among the community for her liveliness and open enthusiasm, and renowned among the potion world for her innovation and skill. In appearance, Fanny was the very picture of her mother thirty years earlier. In talent, she differed utterly; Fanny's strengths were in the wand magics; her potion skills were average at best.  
  
Gene spent evenings working in her lab, always welcoming her daughter to watch and encouraging questions as she brewed complex and bizarre potions. Only in the morning and late afternoon, when her mother retired to the "safe room" to research and develop new poisons for the American Bureau of Magic, was Fanny alone. In these times, imagination and books became her friends.  
  
Then, one day in late October, Gene died unexpectedly. It was near midnight when Fanny finally built up the courage to enter the "safe room" and see why her mother hadn't come out. She was lying on the floor face up. Dark patches, which Fanny only later realized were dried blood, circled her eyes, nose and mouth. A wizard from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement came through the fireplace at Fanny's hysterical summons, and introduced himself as Mr. Patches. The investigation lasted three days, during which time Mr. Patches partitioned off and examined every square foot of Gene's lab, crawling around the floor with foul-play detection devices from morning to night. He would emerge every few hours, shake his head, and ask Fanny questions about the night of the death. In the end, despite his efforts and apparent doubts, he found nothing odd, and concluded that Gene had accidentally poisoned herself with one of her own concoctions. Bureau agents explained it all to Fanny, but she registered very little of what they said. Even weeks later, a continent away, she was still blank, the shock kept hold.  
  
She only had one relative left alive. Her grandmother had remained in England when her mother immigrated. Fanny wrote to her after the accident, and although the old lady was too ill to travel, she sent word that Fanny should return to England under her care and attend Hogwarts as her mother had done before her. The headmaster had already been informed of the situation, the transfer papers were on their way.  
  
It turned out that Fanny's mother had been well prepared for her own death. The day of the funeral, Lawyers appeared, and the estate was settled quickly. With great difficulty, Fanny sorted through her mother's affects, donating impersonal items to a local shelter, storing family memento's, and packing only what she couldn't bear to part with in the single trunk she would take with her to England. The Hogwarts papers arrived early one morning, and by dinner time, Fanny was on her way to Logan International Airport to board a flight to London. Sitting on the plane, she remembered the time, twelve years ago, when her father had died. Her mother picked up suddenly and flew them to America to begin again. At the time, Fanny didn't understand planes. Her mother patiently explained that flying was distinct in their magical life; it would stand out in their memories, symbolizing a new start. Now Fanny was returning to England and she flew as a gesture to her mother and the old life she left behind.  
  
Rain fell over the great hall on Fanny's first morning at Hogwarts, and, though it was quite warm in the room, students wore scarves and heavy sweaters at breakfast, hunching their shoulders against the drizzle that never fell from the grey and misty ceiling. The school was magnificent; it surpassed even Fanny's expectations. As a little girl she would often dream of the day she could attend her mother's alma mater. And although her mother had always refused to even consider letting her school here, for reasons she never fully explained, Fanny was glad to realize her childhood dream, even if she regretted the circumstances that brought her here. It didn't bother her that the students welcomed her frigidly and whispered about her as she ate. Her years of unpopularity at school did not make her meek, as it often did with children. Rather, it hardened her. She looked around the room, full of sleepy life and muted energy. She hoped to fit in here, but felt comfortable knowing she could detach herself from this hope if need be.  
  
Her eyes scanned the sea of bodies and landed shortly on a pretty red haired girl about her own age at the Gryffindor table who smiled and waved at her. Fanny stared blankly back. The girl got up and crossed the room to where she sat. "Hi, do you remember me?" she asked. "My name is Lily Evans. Our mothers were friends I think. We used to play badminton in my back yard for hours."  
  
Memory seeped slowly into Fanny's head. "Lily? Evans?" she said and looked searchingly at the girl's bright face. "I think I remember the game, what did you call it? Bat mitten? I remember Mrs. Evans. She'd do puzzles wouldn't she? In the living room, on a folding table. And my mother would have coffee with her. Sometimes she'd let me have some too. I'm sorry I don't place you, though."  
  
"It's OK, what's it been? Over ten years." Lily smiled a big toothy shining smile, her eyes and nose crinkling. In an instant Fanny recognized her. She stood and smiled back.  
  
"Wow, memory's a funny business," she said, "I wouldn't have known you except for your smile. I guess people never really change, do they?"  
  
"I hope not," said Lily, with idealistic enthusiasm. Fanny must have looked confused, because she continued, "People are born good after all, aren't they? Bad people are just good ones who changed for the worse."  
  
Fanny didn't agree with this sentiment at all. As far as she was concerned, everyone was born with flaws, and change alone could produce improvement and growth. Nevertheless, she found Lily's optimism refreshing and found herself smiling for the first time in weeks.  
  
Lily hugged Fanny, and told her about her family. "Mum's well. Oh, she'll be so glad to hear about you! Father's OK too, he's still working for the department of Transport. And my sister, you remember, Petunia? She's at public school now. She's almost fifteen! I don't know where the time goes." Fanny noticed that she did not ask about her mother. Apparently the gossip covered more than just her name. Her old friend obviously knew enough to avoid the subject, and Fanny appreciated her tact and concern.  
  
Lily took her hand and led her over to the Gryffindor table. Several young men stood as they approached and all shook hands politely with her as Lily introduced them. "Fanny, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, James, and his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Fanny was an old playmate of mine when we were little," she added. "Too bad you're not in Gryffindor with us; we could have been roommates then and everything!" The group seemed happy to welcome Fanny into their fold and insisted that she finish breakfast with them. Lily especially fussed over her. Perhaps she was merely glad to see an old playmate, or perhaps she was excited at the prospect of a gaining a close female friend. Fanny understood how important it was for a young woman to have a confidante who understood all of the crazy changes of adolescence. She herself had always longed for a close girl friend. A group of boys alone could never cut it.  
  
The dishes cleared, the bell rang, and the students began to mill out of the great hall. A loud bang sounded across the room, and all eyes turned on a seventh year Slytherin boy who had just turned bright green. Sirius and James erupted in laughter and pointed at him shouting "Slimy slippery Snape, green as a garden snake." Everyone but the Slytherins was laughing at this point, and angry red patches became apparent, even through the green, in the young man's cheeks.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes and told Fanny, "they are always playing pranks on that boy, and they somehow always get away with it." When she saw the look on Fanny's face, she hastily added "don't worry, he's a bad seed, quite deserves it." Fanny didn't judge right away, she didn't really know any of them. But she did know what it was like to be on the receiving end, and she couldn't completely suppress a sickly feeling in her stomach and a trace of aversion towards the pranksters. 


	2. Out of the Haze, Into Routine

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 2: Out of the Haze, Into Routine  
  
During her first three weeks at Hogwarts, Fanny existed in a kind of shock- induced stupor. Terrible though her recent experiences were, she might have emerged sooner from the deep haze had it not been for the weather. The rain was ceaseless, and the short winter days passed by blankly for the students. The dungeon labs were more than usually dank, and the students sat four to a table to avoid the sporadically placed cauldrons that caught, with a dull plunk and splash, the drops that fell from the leaking ceiling. The upper level classrooms were hardly better; the noise of the rain on the windows, which was at first almost pleasant, soon became, through repetition, an endless cacophony that thoroughly pervaded the minds of the students; even hours later, as they lay in their quiet dormitories, they could still hear the drumming inside their heads. After a week and a half of it, the teachers cast silencing spells on the classrooms, but the sudden total quiet was almost equally disturbing. Every living thing in the school was visibly depressed by the weather, and motivation for teaching fell along side motivation for learning. Homework lightened considerably, and the students spent most of their free time sleeping.  
  
It was perhaps lucky for Fanny that the workload dropped. She had missed a great deal of material from September to November, and studied night and day to bring herself up to speed. Every evening she walked through the echoing halls to the library, where she worked like an automaton, in total solitude except for the occasional visit from Lily Evans. It was rigorous and exhausting, but Fanny was glad for it; the work kept her from remembering.  
  
Lily first appeared in the library on Fanny's second day to find her old playmate sitting at a teetering table piled so high with books that one leg stuck awkwardly out as if about to collapse at any moment. Fanny greeted her over the top of the New Magic World Encyclopedia, Volume F, and continued reading. A few moments passed in awkward silence before Lily lifted the book right out of her friend's hands.  
  
"Fanny," she said, "I've come to show you around the castle."  
  
"I'm pretty busy, Lily, got lots to do." She picked up another book.  
  
"Don't be coy; if we're to be friends, you can't fool me. I'm sure you're busy, and I'm sure you'd rather be alone, but you need a bit of company."  
  
"Some other time? Only I've got so much to do."  
  
"No, you need a break. We're going now." There was no room for argument. Fanny put down her work and sighed. "C'mon," Lily added with excited wide eyes, "there are things I can show you that will take your breath away." It wasn't an exaggeration. An hour later the marvels of the castle, the unprecedented grandeur of the grounds, and the idle jovial talk of her friend lightened Fanny's heart.  
  
As the weeks passed she found her old self emerging from the haze, coaxed along by the comfort of school routine, and the support and loyalty of her friend. It was not easy to leave the fog, as Fanny realized suddenly one day. In early December, the rain stopped, and a bright winter sun shone on the soggy grounds; the lake was placid and difficult to look at for the glare, and the trees of the Forest stood out sharply like paper cutouts in a diorama. In Runes class, Professor Sandahar, quite recovered from the lethargy of the past month, gave a pop quiz. The students marked each others tests, according to a legend Sandahar posted on the blackboard, and handed them back the same class. Fanny received ninety-four percent. It was as a sign, as far as she was concerned, that she had finally caught up. Every day since she arrived at Hogwarts, Fanny was so fixated on her studies that she took in very little of her surroundings and situation. But the moment she received her marked paper, the preoccupation vanished, and her mind was free to wander. She looked at her classmates almost as if she were seeing them for the first time, and like waking from a dream, remembered why she was here and not at home, in America, where she belonged, where she wanted to be. So terrible was the world she awoke to, that without even realizing it, she instinctively quelled the horrible feelings that threatened to devastate her. The reality of her mother's gruesome death was neatly bundled up and dropped, like a stone, into her deep subconscious. It would always be with her, but put away, out of sight, so that her waking mind could cope and move on.  
  
Lily and Fanny continued to meet through December. Sometimes they would walk through the halls, looking at the paintings or talking to the enchanted statues. On clear days, they would spend an hour outside on the stone steps of the castle eating lunch or playing Frisbee in the snow by the Forbidden Forest. They would sometimes hear snide remarks from students, usually Slytherins, about the muggle toy that Lily had brought with her to school, but the comments were, for the most part harmless. The situation became ugly on only one occasion.  
  
A Slytherin couple that Fanny recognized from Potions class stumbled upon a game one afternoon. "Good Lord!" said a small, fair witch named Violet, "Look at the muggle trash those girls have." She looked at Lily and sneered. "Did you find it in the rubbish heap you call a home, mudblood?" Lily turned bright red and gripped the Frisbee like grim death. The young man didn't say anything, but shifted about, glaring mutely at the three witches. Fanny remembered him from her first morning; it was Snape, the boy that Sirius and James had taunted. He didn't look too comfortable at the moment, and Fanny had the sudden though that, beneath his nasty facade, the boy was unhappy with his companion's hostility. It wasn't clear what his actual thoughts were, though, and Fanny had the urge to draw the truth out of him.  
  
"Do you have something you'd like to add?" she asked him.  
  
But Violet was protective, and before he could answer, she shoved him aside and advanced so that she stood almost toe to toe with Fanny. "He's got nothing to say to muggle-loving filth like you," she said. "Rumor has it you're pure blood, but I say you're nothing more than a traitor to your class!"  
  
Fanny looked coolly at the Slytherin girl and raised her eyebrows. She had been bullied too many times in the past to be phased by a snotty girl. "Traitor? Trash? If my class includes people like you I'd turn my back on it any day. Your company makes filth seems sublime! Come on Lily, I've wasted enough time today." Fanny brushed past the girl, smiled pleasantly at Snape, who now looked very surprised, and walked away.  
  
A few days later, Fanny entered the great hall to the unpleasant realization that Christmas was upon her. Twelve foot high trees decorated in prismatic colours and ringing with the song of live birds stood against each wall. So multitudinous were they in number that the paintings behind them were completely obscured from sight and only the cats, rats and toads of the students could fit between the trunks. This created quite a problem for many of the first years, whose pets, not yet fully loyal, ran away to the impenetrable sanctuary of the trees, and were not seen again until twelfth night.  
  
The trees were a source of delight for most of the students; they heralded leisure, presents, family. To Fanny, however, they signified a reality she did not care to face and the stone of remembrance that forever sat in the pit of her stomach began to turn and gnaw away at her. Lily had written home and attained permission to bring Fanny with her for holidays. The Tuesday before break began, she approached her friend merrily waving a letter in her hands. "I got an owl from my mum this morning. She was asking about you again." She broke off and looked shiftily around the room.  
  
"C'mon, Lil', out with it," Fanny said.  
  
"Well, I asked her about Christmas. Most kids leave school for the holidays, and we weren't sure what you'd be up to.Anyway, she wanted to know if you'd like to come stay with us. I'm sure it wouldn't make up for.um.you know.but you shouldn't be alone, and it would be nice, Fanny! All that time together. Dippet couldn't refuse."  
  
It was impossible. Fanny had agreed, in the letters she sent before her transatlantic flight, to spend the holidays with her grandmother. She hardly knew her; having traveled directly to Hogwarts from America, it would be the first time they would meet in person in a decade. Fanny was apprehensive, but hopeful about meeting her only living relative, and felt that in any case, Christmas was a time for families. Flattered by her friend's concern and happy to know that she had a place in the world should her grandmother turn out horrible, Fanny retired to her room filled with a rare feeling of optimism.  
  
That night, the bad dreams began. So lifelike was the image of her mother's prone lifeless body and so real was the feeling of dread and incalculable loss that, when Fanny awoke, it took her a few moments to remember where she was. She laid awake, imagining crazy, irrational things lurking in the shadows of the dormitory room, and waiting, charged with adrenaline, for the light of dawn. Incoherent and exhausted, Fanny trudged into the great hall at seven a.m., picked up a giant steaming mug, and began a loving lifelong relationship with coffee.  
  
The nightmares and insomnia continued nightly well into the Christmas holidays, and sporadically after that for years, although she told nobody about them. By Boxing Day, Fanny looked quite terrible and although her grandmother must have noticed the dark circles under her eyes, and the limp, distracted look she wore, the matronly old woman said nothing.  
  
Despite the rough nights, though, the days of Christmas break were pleasant, and passed by in a lethargic blur. Fanny's grandmother, Elanor, was half-muggle, and the pair sat at the dining room table for hours at a time, eating and playing checkers or rummy. The two women found they were quite similar in temperament and interests. The older lady had specialized in the wand magics before she retired three years earlier, and Fanny was delighted by the vast information that she reeled off in the waning evenings. The two women were alike in appearance as well. Although they had not met in many years, they recognized each other right away: the same face had been passed down through three generations-from Elanor to Gene to Fanny. By the end of a fortnight, the two women were fast, and as the holidays drew to a close, Fanny realized that she regretted her ultimate departure. She wished she could stay on at her grandmother's for a few more months, and she began to look forward to summer when she could return.  
  
January second was a busy day, full of travel and reunion. Arriving back at school in the early afternoon, Fanny was almost bowled over by Lily the moment she entered the great hall. The young women sat up late that night, swapping Christmas stories and lazily eating the remains of holiday sweets. As the spring term progressed, however, Fanny began to see less and less of her friend. Between boyfriend, homework, and extra-curricular activities, try as she might, Lily had little time left over for her. Every so often, Fanny would spend an evening or weekend with her friend, but James and Sirius usually accompanied. They were clever and funny and always made Fanny feel comfortable. After her first morning, she never saw them bully Snape again, and eventually her initial misgivings diminished. Still, charming as they were, Fanny found the boys a bit superficial and didn't extract much pleasure from their company. Students from her own house, noticing her quick acceptance into the most popular clique in the class, tried to befriend her as well. It was all quite foreign to the poor American girl, and she found, much to her surprise, that popularity wasn't what she wanted after all in her days back home, but simply freedom from maltreatment. Solitude or small quiet groups were quite enough for Fanny, and she began to spend her free time with her old habits of reading and daydreaming.  
  
Fanny shared only Charms class with Lily, and the girls made the most of it, socializing whenever possible. Lily was by far the most gifted student in the class, and Fanny trailed closely behind her. The teacher, Professor Wiggish, was young and easy-going, and allowed her students to talk freely provided they produce results, and keep the noise level down. The girls always finished the class work within twenty minutes, leaving the rest of the period to catch up on gossip. Lily would usually spend the time talking about James: cute things he said, mean things he did, funny stories he told. Sometimes she would elbow Fanny and, with a coy smile, point out how cute Sirius looked that day, but Fanny would always totally ignore this line of conversation and change the subject.  
  
School, for the most part, was relaxed for Fanny. Only one class presented any problem for her: Potions. It was never her strong point, and she always had to study twice as much as any normal student to achieve average grades. Her mother, a Potions expert, would have been disappointed if her daughter did poorly, and this was the only reason Fanny tried at all. She had never cared for the subject. Now, however, Potions became an obsession. Part of her thought that, if she excelled, she could keep her mothers spirit alive. Another part needed to understand how and why she had died. Average grades were no longer good enough and she studied harder for Potions alone than for all other classes combined, looking for help whenever and wherever necessary  
  
By March, Fanny was the second best student in the class. She had initially aimed for top spot in her fervor, but quickly realized it was unattainable. Severus Snape was in her class, and he was the most promising young Potions student the school had seen for thirty years. He was utterly unbeatable. Despite their similar interests, though, Fanny had not spoken with Snape since the day of the great Frisbee fiasco, and he had never yet said one word to her. From time to time, she caught him looking at her with a scowl on his face, and she wondered if he disliked her. It was hard to tell; he always scowled.  
  
Immediately before Easter holidays, Yestmin, the Potions Instructor assigned a particularly difficult problem. He offered help to anyone who might need it, but came down with a very severe case of warlock grey fever before he could make good on his promise, and spent the week before holidays quarantined in the hospital wing. Professor Wiggish was called in to supervise during Yestmin's absence, but, being rubbish at potions, was unable to offer any help at all. The students doubted from past experiences that he would give them an extension upon his return, and worked feverishly trying to figure out the solution. Only Snape and his Slytherin friends seemed relaxed and confident. Fanny made a great effort to solve the problem on her own, but after a week she, like most of her peers, had made no progress. Finally, during the last class before Good Friday, she resigned her pride and approached Snape.  
  
"Excuse me," she said politely, "I was wondering if you've solved Yestmin's problem yet?" Snape lowered his book, frowned, and looked silently at her for several moments. Fanny began to wonder if he would answer her at all, and fidgeted uncomfortably with the quill she held.  
  
"You're Gene Bowley's daughter aren't you?" he asked. Whatever she might have expected, it wasn't this.  
  
"Oh, um, yes, I am," she said, reddening as every person in the class turned to look at them, apparently shocked that he would casually breach such an awkward subject.  
  
"I've read her papers," he said, "she was quite remarkable. Very forward thinking."  
  
"Er.Thanks." The conversation was somewhat disturbing, and Fanny felt that she might like to have a good cry soon; but at the same time, it was a relief to hear someone finally speak openly about her mother, especially someone who understood, at least a little, how wonderful she had been.  
  
"My name is Severus Snape," he said and held out his hand, calmly ignoring the stares of his fellow classmates.  
  
"Fanny Bowley. It's nice to meet you." And much to the horror of the Slytherins and Ravenclaws alike, Severus and Fanny shook hands. 


	3. The Library in Spring

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
Chapter 3: The Library in Spring  
  
The castle was uncommonly quiet on Good Friday. Almost every student in third year and above was in Hogsmede, wandering the narrow cobble stone lanes, shopping in the assortment of little stores scattered haphazardly along the main street of town, or enjoying a foaming butter beer and chilled bowl of gooseberry pudding at the Three Broomsticks. The younger children and those unfortunate enough to be without leave, took advantage of the long weekend, abandoned homework for the day, and spent the sunny afternoon pursuing leisure. Some opted to explore the many changing hallways and galleries of the immense castle; others played outside, meandering, running, or flying over the vast green lawns in the April breeze.  
  
The library was totally deserted. Even the librarian Madam Liveris had retreated from her usual perch behind the reference desk to the back room where she could be seen, through the partially open door, to be napping on a Chintz Sofa. At five to two in the afternoon, Fanny, the first patron of the day, fumbled in with a pile of books in her arms, and situated herself at one of the larger tables in the potions sections. After quickly walking through the stacks to make sure she was alone, she sat at her table, pulled quill, ink and parchment from her bag, and waited.  
  
A small patch of blue sky shone through a window twenty feet away, and Fanny stared at it longingly. It was the only natural light that could be seen in her little clearing. The other windows were blocked by the dense rows of dark shelves spanning from floor to ceiling. Every available surface was stacked with books, sometimes two or three deep. It was dark and dusty in the stacks, and although Fanny was usually comfortable here, today it felt claustrophobic. She wondered why she was in the library on such a nice day when she should be in Hogsmede enjoying the bit of freedom with her friends? She looked at her watch. Seven past two. Snape was late. A frown passed over Fanny's face. He had specifically ordered her not to be even a minute late, and now he kept her waiting. Why was she here, why had she cancelled her plans with Lily to meet a Slytherin? Was it only because of the potions assignment he had offered to help her with? She might have thought so had it not been for the dream she had two nights ago.  
  
The last potions class before Easter holidays had ended rather abruptly. Moments after she and Snape shook hands, and before they could say anything else, the class was dismissed. Snape excused himself immediately, collected his things, and walked away leaving her standing alone by his table. He hadn't offered to help her with the notorious potions problem, or even told her if he had solved it. It was a bit rude, she thought, but she was quite used to rudeness, and quickly put it from her mind. Busy with classes and homework, she didn't think about Snape for the rest of the day, not even as she lay in bed later that night, wide awake with insomnia.  
  
Fanny must have fallen asleep at some point, because she was awoken suddenly in the early hours of Thursday morning by a cat that attacked her exposed hand. Drowsily, she cursed the tabby menace, Baron von Jellypaws. He belonged to Linda, the girl two beds over who, despite Fanny's complaints, frequently left him free to roam the dormitories at night. Jellypaws used his liberty to wake Fanny with an unmerited attack at least three times a week. Baron von Cruelly-Claws more like, Fanny thought, as she extricated her hand from the painful grasp of the cat and shoved him out of her bed. Relaxing back into the voluminous pillows, Fanny remembered the dream she was woken from. The quickly fading images reassembled in her head.  
  
She stood on the banks of the lake, watching the ripples of moonlight play on the surface of the waters. An owl flew low overhead, its wake stirring her hair and cutting a line across the lake behind it. The waves spread out, reaching for the shore, growing, growing. Soon they would reach her, she realized with panic; they would surely wash her away, but she couldn't run-her feet were like lead. The wall of black rippling water rushed closer: thirty feet, twenty feet, it was almost upon her. She held out her hands to stop it; did it work? Ten feet from shore it slowed, eight, six, five feet away it froze, hung in the air for a moment, and parted. A void that stood out black against the dark wave, grew in the separation, and from out of the darkness stepped a young man. His eyes were swirling and black like the waters he came from, and his face shone white and blank like the moon overhead. The wind picked up and his low voice mingled with the rustling of the trees. "You," he whispered. Then he was approaching, stepping across the water, reaching for her, and the anticipation was unbearable; his hands were closing about her arms, closing her in his grasp, ice cold hands gripping, pulling her in. Then the cat jumped on her and she awoke.  
  
It had felt so real, and if the circumstances weren't impossible, Fanny might almost have thought it actually happened. She frowned and put a hand on her forehead. It was that boy Snape. Why was she dreaming about him? Had it been a good dream, or bad? Bad, she thought, definitely bad. But then why was she so irritated at being woken. Her head felt hot, and flushed. It had been strangely erotic. An image of the normal classroom Snape arose in her mind. He was not attractive, not charming, not friendly, and not even particularly hygienic. And on top of everything, he was a Slytherin, kept terrible company, and was disliked or downright despised by Lily and her friends. Not once had she considered him in a romantic light. Why did she dream about him now?  
  
Too confused to fall back asleep, Fanny decided to wash up, and go down to breakfast early. Planning to study a bit while she waited for things to pick up and breakfast to begin, she grabbed her runes book and made her way to the great hall. The tables were almost completely deserted, and her usual seat, in the middle of the table facing east towards the Gryffindors, was unoccupied. But a strange mood was upon her today, and she sat nearest the door facing west instead. Coffee after coffee, page after page, she waited, and watched as the students slowly trickled in. Violet, the nasty girl from potions, entered with a few girls, sat down, and began gossiping in loud condescending drawls. Watching them, Fanny suddenly realized that, quite against habit, she was facing the Slytherin table. A vague sense of embarrassment overcame her, and she was about to switch sides when Lily arrived.  
  
"You're up early," she said, sitting by Fanny. "Having trouble sleeping?" she added in a concerned voice.  
  
"No, it was Linda's cat again," she said, displaying her scratched hand. "Thought I'd take advantage, and finish up my work so I can forget about it and relax in Hogsmede."  
  
Lily's freckled nose crinkled in a smile. "Hogsmede's going to be such fun!" she said. "The boys keep saying they've found some hidden caves on the outskirts of town. They're dying to show us; you know them, love to show off, just like prize poodles."  
  
"Yeah.sure." Fanny said, suddenly distracted by the figure that just arrived. Lily followed her friend's staring gaze, and a dark expression crossed her face.  
  
"I heard you spoke to Snape yesterday," she said.  
  
"Just to ask about a problem," said Fanny.  
  
"He spoke about your mother, didn't he? That horrible little rat!" Her voice rose steadily as she spoke. "How dare he bring her up like that, and in front of the whole class too. I should give him a piece of my mind." Lily made to rise, but Fanny stopped her, placing a hand on her arm.  
  
"It's alright, honestly," she said. "He was perfectly respectful."  
  
"Come on, Fanny, you don't need to be nice about it, we all know what a snake he is!"  
  
"No, honestly, Lily, calm down. Actually, it was kind of good to hear someone talk about her. He said only good things. She deserves to be remembered like that."  
  
Lily frowned doubtfully. "Well, if you say so. I still think you're being a bit forgiving. That boy is no good and I don't trust him. If you take my advice, I say avoid him altogether. Oh look, James is here, I'd better be off. I'll see you in charms." She hugged her friend, and made her way to the Gryffindor table.  
  
The morning classes were difficult for Fanny. Preoccupied by Lily's warning and the strange, unexpected dream, she couldn't follow her first two lectures, and lost five points for Ravenclaw when she answered, in response to a teachers question, that 'hiding behind a brick wall' was an effective defense against hostile hexes. Things became worse after lunch. In transfiguration, she mispronounced a spell and turned a prune into an angry hippopotamus. The teacher, Professor Dumbledore, quickly put things right and passed it off with a smile saying "mistakes happen." But in the brief chaos Jimmy Jones, who sat next to Fanny, almost had his arm ripped off and refused to speak to her for the rest of the day. It was very stressful, despite Dumbledore's calmness, and she decided that, in order to prevent further incidents, she must get over her sudden preoccupation. It occurred to her that spending a little time with Snape might help her figure out what she thought of him, and if Lily was right. She already had the perfect excuse to approach him: she would ask for help on the potions problem. But on her way to charms that afternoon, the effort was made for her.  
  
"Miss Bowley, may I have a word please," said Snape, whose head was sticking out of a doorway.  
  
A little embarrassed to be actually talking with him after thinking about him all day, Fanny felt herself flush as she answered, "all right." He held the door for her, peeked down the hallway, and closed it behind them. Crossing the room, which appeared to be an old dusty lecture hall, he leaned against a broken desk and folded his arms across his chest.  
  
"I'll help you with the potions assignment," he said bluntly. "Meet me in the library tomorrow at two o'clock sharp. But I'm warning you, I shall leave if you're late." He walked quickly across the room, opened the door with a bang, and left without waiting for a response. Fanny shook her head and laughed a little. Discourteous though his behavior was, it was also enigmatic and intriguing. There was no question: she would meet him in the library although it meant canceling her trip to Hogsmede with Lily and the gang.  
  
The five Gryffindors complained bitterly when she told them she had to stay to catch up on homework. In the end, though, there was nothing they could do and on the morning of Good Friday, they walked to the little town without Fanny. Now she waited in the dark library for a Slytherin who was late, torn between feelings of anticipation and regret for staying behind. After twenty five minutes, just as Fanny was considering leaving, he arrived.  
  
"You're late," she said. Irritation made her forget the mild embarrassment she now felt around him.  
  
"I am a busy person. I can't waste all of my time helping silly Ravenclaws. Be grateful that I showed up at all." He sat down hurriedly and pulled out a stack of notes from his bag. It seemed that he was trying to humble her into a submissive role, and establish rigid boundaries right away. It didn't upset or offend Fanny, though, and she found, to her surprise, that she was delighted by the challenge he presented. 'Here's a man with some bravado', she thought, 'let's see if I can give him a run for his money'.  
  
"Am I such a burden?" she said, playfully. He stared haughtily at her down his long nose, and she changed tactics. Maybe politeness could break through his defenses. "Thanks for your time, though," she added. "I really appreciate it. I need the help desperately."  
  
"Yes, well, that's quite obvious.shall we get started?" Fanny nodded, and he continued, "Since we are interested a potion that can both render a person color blind, and cure ulcers, one would think combining ground costmary and liver of hydra sufficient. But as I'm sure you know," he said smugly, as if he really thought Fanny didn't know at all, "combining these ingredients neutralizes the magical properties of both. The key, of course, is to add an inhibitor to prevent neutralization. I've found that a sprinkle of yellow hawthorn works well." He flipped through the notes, explaining how he arrived at his hypothesis with the various figures, equations, and charts. "So the undesirable neutralization lies in the combination of these elements of the ingredients." He pointed to a chart listing the substance breakdown of costmary and hydra liver.  
  
"Why didn't you go to Hogsmede today?" Fanny asked suddenly.  
  
The library became suddenly silent and Snape shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "We're here to work, not gossip Miss Bowley," he said after a few moments.  
  
"Miss Bowley is a bit formal, don't you think? Please call me Fanny. And it's just a simple question."  
  
"Then I might ask you the same thing. Why aren't you in Hogsmede? I'm sure your Gryffindor friends are missing you right now." A disgusted look crossed his face.  
  
"Like I said, I need the help," she said simply.  
  
"Most people need help with this assignment, but I don't see them worrying about it."  
  
"Sure, but I'm not 'everyone'."  
  
Snape snorted derisively. "You wouldn't know it for the company you keep," he said.  
  
"I'm serious, Severus,"-he looked startled that she would address him by his first name-"I want to improve in potions. And just because I spend time with James' crowd doesn't mean I'm just like them. I know you guys don't get along, but even if they're my friends, I don't have to agree with everything they say and think. I realize that they aren't very nice to you."  
  
"That's very noble of you," he sneered, "but you don't know the half of it. It's easy enough to say you're against them, but it's a rather empty comment, don't you think, when you spend so much time with them." How he arrived at this conclusion, Fanny didn't know. She hadn't spent more than half a dozen afternoons with James, Sirius and the lot all year. Snape continued. "The company you keep reflects upon you; rather poorly in this case." He stood abruptly and began to collect his things.  
  
The conversation had taken a strange turn, and Fanny didn't quite know what to make of it. One thing was certain, though: Snape was being a hypocrite. He kept the worst company possible. "So are you just like Violet, then?" she asked.  
  
Snape turned on her. "My relationship with Violet is none of your business."  
  
"Then why is my relationship with James' group any of yours?" she asked calmly. He stood papers in hand, looking uncertainly at the door. "Come on," she said placing a hand on his arm, "I'm sorry I ever brought it up. Can't we call it a truce?" Shrugging her off, he sat down, collected himself, and picked up the notes to continue.  
  
"We shall keep our conversation restricted to potions, please." It wasn't a request, and Fanny didn't think it wise to challenge the point.  
  
They worked on the assignment for another hour, and continued discussing various aspects of potion brewing afterwards. Snape was a wealth of information on the subject, and explained everything, from the most basic concept, to potions well above seventh year level, with passion and articulation. Around six o'clock in the evening the candles magically lit, and Snape cut off his explanation suddenly.  
  
"Is it that late?" he asked in sudden panic.  
  
"I expect it's almost dinner time. Do you have to be somewhere?"  
  
"No, but the others will be back soon," he said, staring wildly about the room as if he expected a rabid manticore to charge through the door at any moment and devour him whole. "I must leave now." He shoved the neatly printed sheets of parchment roughly into his bag, grabbed his books, and left the library in a near run.  
  
At dinner, Snape didn't acknowledge Fanny once, though he briefly made eye contact with her a few times. When Lily and the others asked about her day she lied, and told them she spent it studying in her common room. The Gryffindors seemed satisfied, but insisted that she spend the rest of the weekend with them. With no excuses ready, Fanny agreed. Three days suddenly seemed like a very long time. 


	4. Picnics at Dusk

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 4: Picnics at Dusk  
  
By Sunday afternoon, the long weekend felt as if it might never end. The study session with Severus had resolved the difficult potions assignment, and Fanny had three work free days ahead of her. With no further excuse to spend time with her new Slytherin acquaintance, she spent all of Saturday with the Gryffindor group, and found herself picnicking with them on Sunday afternoon as well. The time passed very slowly. It was not that she disliked their company: the boys were amiable and charming, and Lily was always a pleasure to spend time with. But she discovered, much to her considerable annoyance, that she wanted to spend more time with Severus instead, to figure him out a bit better, or at least just have his company. Why this was the case, Fanny couldn't explain: she simply had a good feeling about him-the chemistry seemed right for them to be friends.  
  
The real difficulty with the Gryffindor group was that no Slytherin in their right mind would come within twenty feet of them. This meant that while she spent time with them, Snape would certainly avoid her; she might have to wait until potions on Tuesday for a chance to speak with him again. Her worries ran deeper than this though. After the accusations he shot at her in the library regarding her friends, she half suspected Snape would never speak to her again if he caught her spending the whole weekend with the Gryffindors. So it was with much hesitation that Fanny joined Lily and company as they played a loud game of three-on-three quidditch on Saturday, and picnicked by the great hedge maze on Sunday. She felt rather guilty about her reluctance to be seen with them. 'Why should I drop my friends for a Slytherin?' she wondered. 'And why should he dictate who I spend time with? Damn, I'm thinking about him again. Stop it, stop it, STOP it foolish girl! I wonder what he's doing today. I bet he's with that horrific girl again. Maybe she is his girlfriend. I should ask him.'  
  
Saturday evening, Fanny had passed Severus in the halls. Simpering and clinging to his arm was the beautiful Slytherin girl Violet, who, since the Frisbee incident, Fanny had taken a particular dislike to. It was not hard to see that Violet shared these feelings. The flashing pearly smile and seductive eyes were reserved only for the boys, and the moment she saw Fanny the charm was turned off and an icy glare took over.  
  
On the surface Violet and Severus were a strange match: she was a delicate flower of a girl, perfect in almost every physical aspect, while he was a tall, lanky, big-nosed boy who hid behind gangly hair and a twisted scowl. Most of the seventh years wondered what Violet, perhaps the most beautiful girl in the class, saw in him-even if they were just friends (nobody seemed to know what they were). But Fanny could only question why a boy she considered intelligent, multifaceted, and helpful would care to spend time with a shallow and vain creature like Violet. In her opinion, they were not only different on the surface, but down to their very core. 'He could do better,' she thought.  
  
Laughter floated into her reflections, and she drifted back to reality. The grassy spring breeze stirred and Fanny put a hand on the hem of her long blue skirt to prevent it from blowing up. The Sunday afternoon was lovely. The checkered blanket she shared with Lily, James and Sirius was soft under her bare legs, the giant plates of lasagna and meatballs, pinched earlier from the kitchens, were delicious, and the company was friendly and carefree. They spoke of cheerful things as the shadows from the looming hedges crept upon them. Every now and then Remus and Peter, who were spending the day mapping the maze, would pop out for a chat before returning to their exploration. Under different circumstances, Fanny would have been quite at peace with the world. 'Under different circumstances?' she thought. 'Why not these circumstances, why not these people? Because you'd prefer him to them,' said a voice in her head. 'Well, maybe not Lily, but she'll always be there. There's time to spend with her later.'  
  
Sirius elbowed her playfully. "You're off in the clouds today, Fanny," he said. "Dreaming is nice, but I'd much prefer your conversation. What's on your mind?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," she said quickly, turning a bit red. She couldn't imagine what Sirius would say if he knew the truth. He wouldn't judge her, she was his friend after all, but she didn't doubt that it would be unpleasant for Severus. There would almost certainly be a scene. Perhaps he'd order Severus to keep away from her, or perhaps he'd challenge him to a duel. Most likely, he'd simply take to bullying him again, trying to make his life as unpleasant as possible. These were the types of thing Sirius did. Confront without thinking. Assume without asking.  
  
For all his faults, though, Fanny found that he was beginning to grow on her. Lily had been obvious in her attempts to set the two of them up, and Fanny understood her enthusiasm; it would be a convenient and easy match. He was handsome, she had to admit, and charming, funny, smart, loyal. There was no silly teenage problem that Sirius couldn't make her forget about in twenty minutes ('except Severus,' she thought). She always found his company entertaining. Never did he criticize her, berate her, or put her down. Never would he treat her with the condescension or contempt Severus showed. But then again, he didn't challenge her, while Severus did.  
  
Fanny's mother had once given her advice on men. After a bad and brief relationship with a work colleague, Gene sat her thirteen year old daughter down. "Bowley women always pick the wrong men," she said. "We can never resist a challenge. Never. Dangerous, acerbic, sarcastic. We love these things. Nice men bore us. It's a fact. My grandmother was the same, and she was widowed at twenty. My mother was the same, and she was abandoned while nine months pregnant. Your father was a stroke of luck: a good reliable man and a challenge. And when he died it was not because he was foolish," Gene always looked deeply disturbed when she spoke of her husband's death, "But I was lucky and that doesn't mean you will be. I don't want you to fall into the Bowley trap. Nice men can offer something too."  
  
Sirius was nice, at least to her. Would her mother approve of him? Was Severus the type of boy she had been warned about? Fanny wished deeply that her mother was still here to ask.  
  
"You know, this weekend's been really brilliant." Sirius leaned in and jostled her lightly with his elbow. "Nice weather, no work, and a pretty girl for company." He smiled warmly at Fanny. "What more could any man ask for?"  
  
Fanny snorted doubtfully. "I bet you say that to all the ladies."  
  
"Just the nice looking ones," Sirius laughed outright and Fanny slapped his arm.  
  
"Jerk," she said, smiling.  
  
"Come on, you know I'm kidding," he said, still laughing and throwing up his arms in mock submission. "I'm an honest guy, really. You can believe me." He pulled a sincere looking face.  
  
"You always kid, so I'm always skeptical."  
  
"I'm serious sometimes," and, as if to prove it, he sobered and switched to a more sincere tone. "You think I'm the joker, and maybe I am, but clowns are always the ones who tell it like it is. Well, they do in books at least."  
  
"But we're not in a book."  
  
"Imagine if we were, though!" he said, lying back and resting his head on his arms. "What kind do you think it'd be?"  
  
"I don't know. Horror?"  
  
"Bah! On a day like this? I don't think so. Fairy tale more like. Look at this." He waved his wand in the air and a thousand tiny gold bubbles appeared suddenly, surrounding them, and floating lightly down on their heads before popping. It was enchanting, and even Lily and James ceased their quiet conversation for a moment to watch. "See, Fanny, it's depends on how you look at it," he continued. "Bad things happen in all stories. The difference is in the end: in my version the beautiful princess ends up with the prince (that's me, by the way)," he said with a smile and a wink, "while in your version, everyone is eaten by dragons. Not a very pleasant thing to expect, now is it? Maybe if you set your hopes a bit higher."  
  
"Maybe you'd be a little less optimistic if you'd seen what I have," she said dismally.  
  
Instantly Sirius hopped up and put his arm around her shoulder. "Come on, kid, I didn't mean to upset you. But you're with us now, and nothing bad like that will happen again. We'll always be here for you. I promise."  
  
Fanny straightened herself, and shouldered out of Sirius' grasp, but her tone was soft and appreciative when she addressed him. "I know, Sirius. You guys are really great." She remembered how she had wanted to ditch them earlier, and guilt began to creep over her. An awkward moment passed, but to Fanny's relief, it was broken shortly by Remus and Peter as they emerged from the maze, and plopped down on the blanket.  
  
"Did you finish the map then?" Sirius asked them.  
  
"Not quite," said Remus in a tired voice. "The distances don't quite add up near the center of the maze. There must be a path that I haven't found yet, or a hidden room or something. I don't know, though. I was pretty thorough. I'll work on it again tomorrow. Maybe you can come too?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Rummaging through the half-eaten plates, Remus stood up again and stretched. "Not much left to eat. I'm going back up to the castle. See what the elves are cooking for tonight, maybe get an advancement. Coming Peter?" Peter nodded and stood. "See you guys at the feast then." The pair walked off.  
  
"Hey look at them." Sirius pointed to James and Lily. Oblivious to their friends, they had progressed from close talking to snogging and snuggling. A bit embarrassed, Fanny turned away, but Sirius wasn't daunted in the least. "Aww, guys, is that really necessary? Look you're making the lady uncomfortable." He pointed to Fanny, and she became even more embarrassed. The couple didn't even look up. He continued loudly; "It's OK, carry on with your business, don't mind us. Come on, Fan, let's leave these two to themselves. I'll race you through the maze, alright?"  
  
Sirius rose and offered her his hand. She took it, and as they began to leave, he pulled out his wand and dropped it on the blanket beside James. "Let's make it more interesting, shall we?" he said with a mischievous grin. Rising to the challenge, Fanny smiled, and dropped hers as well before following Sirius into the shadows of the twenty foot high hedges. Dusk was premature in the tall corridors of the maze, and already the path was dim.  
  
"How long until it's dark in here?" asked Fanny.  
  
"Maybe an hour. Are you scared? It's OK, nothing to hurt you in there. Besides we'll be out before then. Shouldn't take more than forty minutes. If you get lost, yell-I'll hear you. I obviously know the maze pretty well, so I'll give you a head start."  
  
Not wanting to waste the last of the daylight, she jogged down the long entrance lane, turned west, and continued for five minutes always keeping to the left. A stitch soon formed in her side, and she slowed down. From behind her and to the right, she heard running footsteps pick up as Sirius entered the maze. Grabbing her side, she quickened her pace, and continued for what might have been fifteen minutes. The path grew darker, and the line of the sun steadily rose up the green shafts of the hedges. All seemed unnaturally quiet; the sound of footsteps behind her had disappeared. Sirius was walking more carefully now, creeping through the passages. Where was he? Maybe he was coming up behind her even now. Fanny stopped and turned quickly around. The corridor she was in was long and the ends were obscured in shadow-even if Sirius were there, she doubted that she'd be able to see him. She ran on. The darkness and silence were unnerving, and the race began to seem more like a chase. Without her wand she felt vulnerable and she began to panic, a sense of thrill and tense expectation overcoming her. She liked the feeling. Faster and faster she ran, ignoring the stitch in her side; the branches became a frenetic blur. Left, and left, and left again, and suddenly a dead end. Turning, she ran back, right this time, another right, and a hand from nowhere grabbed her arm. She was pulled back, and when she lifted her head, her face was inches from Sirius'. He was leaning down; she could feel his breath on her face before he leaned in and kissed her. Shocked and unsure how to react, Fanny became extremely stiff and made no attempt to either free herself or reciprocate. But she gathered herself quickly, and only a moment passed before she pushed herself roughly away from Sirius.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said lamely. "I can't."  
  
He frowned in confusion, then sighed and ran his hands through his long brown hair. "No, I'm the one who should be sorry." A disturbed and guilty look crossed his face. "I should've asked first, or something. Can we forgive and forget?" He flashed her a pleading half-smile.  
  
"Sure." Fanny wasn't comfortable standing here with him anymore; not because he kissed her, she had forgiven him right away. But she didn't know what the kiss might mean (was it only a momentary impulse, or was Sirius genuinely interested in her?), and there was an awkwardness between them now. She shivered. "It's cold in here, lets go," she said.  
  
It was easy finding their way out. As Fanny had kept to the left on her way in, they simply kept right. They walked briskly in silence, and from the corner of her eye, Fanny could see Sirius watch her with a frown. Twenty minutes later they emerged from the darkness into the golden sunset. Grabbing her wand, Fanny turned to Sirius and spoke with a casualness she did not feel. "I'll see you later, OK?" Lily and James looked up from their activities briefly, and from the surprised looks on their faces, obviously realized something was wrong. Fanny didn't stay to explain, though, but turned and walked to the school without looking back.  
  
Inside the castle, Fanny quickly set out for her dorm, walking with her head down and arms folded across her chest. The twisting dark corridors reminded her of the maze and the same feeling of pursuit and panic gripped her, only this time she found it unpleasant. Not wanting to run into anyone, she walked quickly, cutting through the less frequented hallways. Her efforts were futile though, and as she approached the statue of the seven fingered satyr that guarded her common room, she found Snape waiting for her.  
  
"Miss Bowley?" The smooth voice accosted her so suddenly that she visibly jumped. He was standing in a side passage leaning against a wall where she hadn't noticed him at first for the darkness surrounding him and the black clothes he wore. As she turned to face him, he straightened and approached her, circling like a predator. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he said, but he didn't sound very sorry at all.  
  
Fanny laughed nervously. What a strange day this was; so many bizarre encounters. "I'm just jumpy today, I guess," she said, turning on the spot to face him as he walked around her. "What's up Severus?"  
  
"Are you giving up the company of your beloved Gryffindors so soon? I'm sure it must be very trying for you. Come, Fanny, after our little study session, I almost thought you had taste. You're disappointing me." Fanny said nothing, but looked at the floor feeling a strange mixture of indignant anger and remorse. Snape continued. "Perhaps what you need is a good influence: someone to stir up that lazy brain of yours." He stopped right in front of her, and she raised her head to look at him. She was half tempted to slap him for his audacity, but the look on his face quelled any such temptation. His mouth had thinned, his cheeks tensed, and his eyes looked dark and dangerous; Fanny was reminded strongly of her dream. But the look passed, and Snape stepped back, pointing a long finger at her.  
  
"We'll meet every Wednesday in the old Runes classroom: second door on the right, fifth floor, east wing. Come at midnight." Snape turned and walked away, once again without waiting for an answer.  
  
Midnight? What was he playing at? What the hell was he thinking? In a daze, Fanny made her way to the statue outside the dorm. "Sissy Whittle," she said, and the statue stepped aside.  
  
"Is e' your boyfriend?" the satyr asked as she opened the large oak door.  
  
"No," she said angrily, and slammed the door behind her. The common room was empty, and Fanny was glad for it. Her thoughts shot in every direction at once, and she felt as if her brain would overheat and fizzle out if one more person confronted her. Making her way to her dorm, she crawled into bed and closed the curtains behind her. A few hours of hopeless contemplation passed when the bell rang in the courtyard outside her window, calling everyone to the great hall for the Easter feast. Dubiously, Fanny fixed her hair, and put on her formal robes before she changed her mind and crawled back into bed for the evening. 


	5. The Runes Will Tell

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 5: The Runes Will Tell  
  
Wednesday couldn't come quickly enough for Fanny. As the days passed, she began to anticipate her meeting with Snape with fierce intensity. The surprising and awkward encounter with Sirius in the maze left her feeling as if her whole social circle had been obliterated and she wanted nothing more than to spend some time with someone outside the group.  
  
On Monday evening, the last of the long weekend, she finally emerged from her common room where she had been hiding since the kiss. After a breakfast and lunch of sweets pilfered from the stash she kept in her trunk, a hot cooked dinner was too good to resist. Besides, she had to face the Gryffindors eventually, and she figured the sooner the better.  
  
It turned out to be quite soon indeed. The moment she sat down at the Ravenclaw table, Sirius timidly approached her. "Excuse me, Fanny, can I have a word?" he asked.  
  
"Sure."  
  
It was clear that he was very uncomfortable. He stood next to her for a few moments, clearing his throat and looking over his shoulder to the Gryffindor table. Fanny could see Lily watching him with a stern look, arms folded across her chest. She nodded curtly to him, and he finally continued. Apparently he was being forced to do this.  
  
"Look, Fanny," he said awkwardly, "about yesterday."  
  
The unease they obviously both felt irritated Fanny, and she'd already had enough of it. "Look, Sirius, lets just forget it, OK?" she said in the most sincere voice she could muster. "I hate walking on eggshells. You haven't offended me or angered me or anything. Can we just move past it?"  
  
Sirius relaxed and looked a bit relieved. "I'd like that," he said. "After the way you left yesterday, I was afraid you were really upset. Well.I guess I'll see you in class then."  
  
"Yeah, see you then."  
  
"You really are the best Fanny!" he said with a smile and he clapped her on the shoulder before walking away very quickly.  
  
Fanny let out a long breath. She was happy to be over with the inevitable first conversation with Sirius, and actually felt it went quite well. The lighthearted attitude she had displayed was feigned and she could tell he didn't feel quite as casual as he let on either. The awkwardness was still there, but at least they would both make an effort to get over it as quickly as possible. How long this might take, though, was anyone's guess.  
  
But the awkwardness was not what bothered Fanny the most. The kiss had another, much worse side affect. When Sirius returned to his table, the boys put their heads together to hear what he had to say. They whispered to each other (Fanny was amazed at what gossips boys were), occasionally stealing a glance at Fanny. They didn't seem to be saying anything malicious, and looked at her with confusion or curiosity rather than anger. But it was obvious now that her role as an individual in the group had ended; to James, Remus and Peter, she had become the girl that rejected Sirius. And it wasn't likely that this would be forgotten any time soon.  
  
'At least Lily won't think of me any differently,' Fanny thought. Although this was true, there was still a tension between them when Lily crossed over to the Ravenclaw table during dessert.  
  
"Hi Fanny," she said, sitting down. "How are you? I heard what happened yesterday." Her freckled face was grave and she didn't question, gossip, giggle or analyze the way she would have if it had been some other boy. "I want you to know that, no matter what, I'm still you're friend and always will be."  
  
"What do you mean 'no matter what'?"  
  
"Only that I know things are a bit awkward between you and Sirius right now, and if they stay that way, I'll still be there for you." Fanny believed in her friend's loyalty implicitly, but she understood that Lily was now in a difficult position: if things should remain uncomfortable between her and Sirius, as it would judging by the amount of whispering the boys exchanged, Lily would be in the middle, unable to take sides. There would be no more relaxed picnics together, at least for the time being.  
  
But Lily's expression betrayed more than simple anxiety. Disappointment was written all over her face. Fanny knew that there was nothing she wanted more than to cement the group by sparking a relationship between her and Sirius. She didn't like letting Lily down, but of course she wouldn't date someone just to please her friend.  
  
"Don't worry, Lil. Worse things could happen. Life will be back to normal in no time."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Of course. It'll all blow over, you'll see."  
  
Somewhat reassured, but still a bit sad and tense, Lily smiled briefly, hugged her friend, and left for her own table. It was true, things would improve in time. But at present, Fanny felt isolated from her friends, and quite alone. More than ever, she wanted her own private friend, someone she could turn to when things were bad, someone who wouldn't care what other people thought of her. Severus could be this friend, she thought. Not only would he have supported her decision to reject Sirius' advances, he would have practically lionized her for it. The secrecy he demanded of their meetings-in the library when the rest of the school was away, at midnight in a secluded corner of the castle-had bothered her at first; he was clearly wary of being associated with her. But now she began to like the idea. He could be the private friend she desired, existing outside the realm of social pressures and expectations, supporting her virtues and criticizing her mistakes objectively rather than simply going along with popular opinion.  
  
Fanny really wanted to see him and Wednesday night couldn't come soon enough. The closer it came, the slower time seemed to pass until she thought it would never arrive. Classes on Tuesday and Wednesday were horrible. In Charms, Lily occupied her usual seat next to Fanny, but didn't say much apart from a friendly but quick greeting at the start of class and a hasty goodbye at the end, while the other Gryffindors sat stony and silent throughout the entire lesson. In Potions, Severus ignored her completely. It was a bit surreal being in such a small room with him while he pretended to be oblivious to her existence. The girl Violet, who sat next to him as always, didn't pretend to ignore her at all. Every time Fanny glanced in the general direction of the two Slytherins, Violet's evil icy stare was waiting for her as if in challenge: 'You think you can compete with me?' it seemed to say. Fanny didn't know if Violet was aware of her planned clandestine meetings with Severus, or if she just didn't like her in general. Either way, it was becoming quickly apparent that she had acquired a new adversary, and it struck her as very odd that this was the second time the prettiest girl in school developed a dislike for her.  
  
Even at dinner on Wednesday night, as Fanny shoveled back her food in her mounting impatience, she could feel Violet's malevolent blue eyes upon her. Ignoring it impassively, she finished dinner quickly and stood to leave as soon as the half-devoured remains disappeared from the table. Her path to the door, unfortunately, carried her directly past Severus and Violet, and she heard the girl's chirping voice rise over the general noise.  
  
"It's appalling how some people lack table manners, don't you think Severus? One would believe we were pigs at the trough the way some people devour their food."  
  
There was no question who she was referring to. Fanny halted and turned on the spot, wanting more than anything to rub her new friendship with Severus in Violet's face, saying 'See you tonight then, Sevvie,' with her most charming smile. But she understood that it would be trouble for him if Violet knew, and instead quelled her impulsive desire, turned again, and left.  
  
As she walked back to her common room she began to think for the first time about the logistics of this evening's meeting. Snape hadn't told her why they would meet. Was it to be another study session? If so, she should bring some books along. This point at least was resolved easily enough. She would simply bring her potions text and some parchment and quills, and if she didn't need them after all, it wasn't much effort wasted. The more difficult part of the problem was sneaking out after hours. The seven fingered Satyr was loud and a bit of a gossip. The safest thing, Fanny realized, would be to pass him as few times as possible after curfew. She also knew that passing him on her way into her common room was much less risky then passing him on her way out. If he raised an alarm on her way in, she would be safely in bed before any teacher arrived. With this thought in mind, Fanny packed up her potions text, along with some transfiguration homework, as soon as she reached her room. She brushed her hair and changed her robes and left for the meeting room.  
  
It was only eight o'clock when she arrived in the old disused Runes classroom, but the space was almost totally dark. What little light there was came from the moon only three days past the full, filtering through four narrow windows on the west wall that were several feet high, but only a few inches wide. Fanny lit her wand, and after looking around a bit, transfigured a few broken quills and two pieces of chalk that she found on the old teachers desk into slow burning candles. These bits of rubbish were the only stray small objects left in the room, and Fanny hoped that her candles would last; she had nothing left to transfigure save her own personal items, and they wouldn't start conjuring for two more weeks.  
  
In the light of the candles that hovered charmed overhead, the room glowed orange and flickering. The three windowless walls and the ceiling were veiled in darkness, making the area seem much larger than actually was. Many of the desks and chairs were broken or lay on their sides. There was no dust, though, or any other signs of disuse, and the disorderly furniture made the room seem as if it were abandoned in a great hurry. Above the windows, a wide banner hung, sectioned into thirty two boxes side by side, each filled with a strange curving figure. It was an ancient alphabet; Fanny recognized it from her elementary Runes classes. As she looked at the banner, the curving letters glowed red, but faded as she turned away. The candlelight, the darkness, and the mysteriousness of the room created an atmosphere that was both romantic and sinister. Fanny wondered if it was quite suitable for her meeting with Snape, but lacking any other source of light, decided there was nothing she could do about it. Settling down at one of the more stable looking desks, she pulled out her homework and waited.  
  
At a quarter to twelve Snape finally arrived. Fanny didn't hear the door open or close, and was quite startled once more when he appeared suddenly out of the darkness. Her nerves were already on end, and the fright made her tense enough to consider berating him. But the somber look on his face almost seemed to dare her to try and cross him and she kept quiet. His expression was so serious and stern that she wondered why someone who seemed eternally irritated with her would ever desire her company. But as he sat down, pulling a potions book out of his pocket and placing it on the table, his face relaxed into a smug smirk.  
  
"Well, Fanny, did you arrange these candles? That's very resourceful of you." He was patronizing her. "But don't you think they're just a bit inappropriate for tonight's meeting? Unless, of course, you plan to conjure some violins and roses as well in a bid to win my affections!" Fanny blushed furiously, completely at a loss for words. Casually, as if he said nothing strange at all, he pulled out his wand and transfigured the candles into several large bright oil lamps; the romantic atmosphere vanished instantly. "Shall we begin?" he asked calmly, his face impassive. "Perhaps I should start by explaining the nature and purpose of these meetings. As you know, I am unquestionably the most gifted potions student this school has seen in thirty years." He didn't bother substantiating this claim, and Fanny didn't question. "As a matter of fact," he said pointedly, "I am the most gifted potions student since your mother." He paused, watching Fanny closely.  
  
"What has that got to do with me?" she asked brusquely.  
  
"It seems such a terrible waste to allow the only daughter of Gene Bowley to flounder in the field she herself excelled at."  
  
Fanny was torn between outrage and confusion. What right did he have to criticize her, and why was he so interested in her mother anyway? For the moment, the outrage won. "I'm not floundering in potions!"  
  
"But you could do better. And so, to this end, we shall meet every Wednesday, as I have previously indicated, to study the delicate and intricate art of potion brewing. I expect you to arrive on time and prepared. Each week I shall assign you various problems that you will complete by our following session."  
  
The confusion took over. "And what's in it for you?"  
  
"I have my reasons."  
  
"Would you care to enlighten me?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't," he snapped. "I said I have my reasons, and that should be good enough for you."  
  
"And if I don't complete my 'assignments'?"  
  
The haughty smirk reappeared. "Well, then, you'll be punished accordingly," he said in a silky voice.  
  
Fanny laughed nervously. It was strange and unsettling the way he switched gears so quickly. One minute he seemed supremely irritated by her, the next he was almost perversely flirtatious. Although the first attitude might have, under different circumstances, urged Fanny to walk out without looking back, the second attitude made her stay. Unbearably conceited and rude as this boy was, Fanny found herself, against her better judgment, utterly thrilled and flattered by his suggestive comments. She couldn't help but encourage them.  
  
"Oh," she said, putting on a shyly seductive tone, "and what would my punishment be?"  
  
For a brief moment, Snape looked quite taken back, but his surprise was quickly replaced by a satisfied smirk. "Why, Miss Bowley, I believe I'll leave that up to your imagination. If you have any imagination, that is."  
  
"As a matter of fact, I have an exceedingly vivid imagination."  
  
"Do you? I shall have to put it to test one day. But for now, you will open your potions text to page three hundred twelve." Apparently he'd had enough of their frivolous conversation. "We shall begin with poisons."  
  
The words came out of his mouth like a slap across the face and Fanny felt suddenly sick. She could still hear the voice of Mr. Patches, the investigator into her mother's death, in her head: 'Accidentally poisoned by one of her own concoctions.' A helpless feeling consumed her, and she fought it, pushing the memory out of her head and opening her book as Snape had asked. She didn't want to be a slave to the past anymore.  
  
"Please read the first paragraph," he said.  
  
"Of the forty-three known varieties of poisonous plants, none are more fatal to humans than the castor bean. The plant, made poisonous by the toxic agent lectin, is so dangerous that one ingested bean is capable of killing an adult human. The castor bean plant, native to Ethiopia and other tropical regions of east Africa, is characterized by red-purple stems, glossy umbrella shaped leaves, and tri-lobed red fruit."  
  
"How did your mother die?" Snape asked. Fanny stopped reading immediately and looked up at him in horror. Although she was shocked by his blunt question, she was totally astounded by the expression of genuine sympathy that he wore. It almost made her fall to pieces.  
  
Lowering her head so that he wouldn't see her eyes grow watery and red, she answered in a thin voice that she kept steady only through great effort, "accidentally poisoned.by her own work." Snape was silent, and a few moments later Fanny pulled herself together enough to look at him again.  
  
He watched her with compassion, as if she were a naïve little girl who needed to be educated on the grim realities of life. "Yes, I read that in the papers," he said, very softly. "But Fanny, you don't actually believe it do you? A gifted woman like your mother would never make such a mistake."  
  
"How do you know?" Fanny asked. Her voice was wavering again with impending tears. "People make mistakes all the time! You didn't know her. She wasn't perfect. She'd always burn my toast in the morning, so why couldn't she screw up in her lab too? How could you possibly know?"  
  
"Because I would never make such a mistake," he said.  
  
Fanny knew in her heart that he was right-she had always known-but the implications of his statement were too much to bear. Like a petulant child, she steadfastly refused to accept the truth, choosing instead to argue and insult. "Maybe you will make a mistake like that one day," she told him. "Then as you lay dying horribly you'll realize that people aren't perfect and that you're just a stupid boy who doesn't understand what he's talking about!" Tears were now falling freely down her cheeks, and ashamed of her weakness, angry and upset, Fanny grabbed her things and rushed for the door.  
  
"Fanny, wait," he said and she froze with her hand on the doorknob. He crossed the room and stood right in front of her. He seemed so tall to her, and she wished he would hug her, so that she could disappear in his surrounding embrace.  
  
"Read and summarize chapter twenty for next Wednesday." And with that, he was gone. 


	6. Owls After Curfew

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 6: Owls After Curfew  
  
The week following Fanny's first meeting with Severus was busy for the seventh years. Spring was blooming outside the school and the teachers, realizing time was pressing, began to pick up the pace to cover the wealth of material required for the end of year exams. Every prospective graduate became quickly bogged down in homework, and even those with very light course loads appeared haggard and stressed by the following Wednesday. The change was a rude awakening for Fanny, who had heard of NEWT's a few times, but hadn't fully realized their importance or difficulty as she had arrived late in the term at Hogwarts from a school system that was quite different. Between homework and the extra potions work that Snape had assigned her, the week flew by in a buzz of concentration and study.  
  
There was one major advantage to the sudden busyness. It provided a pleasant relief from the awkwardness of the previous week. Fanny's relationship with the Gryffindors, although improved, had not yet returned to the friendliness of early Easter weekend. Sirius had progressed from stony silence to timid smiles and brief but pleasant conversations during charms, and Lily was almost her usual boisterous self. But no plans had been made to spend time together outside classes since the fateful maze chase. Under ordinary circumstances, this might have aggravated the discomfort rather than quell it, but the work load was so heavy that, even had they wanted to, there was no time left over for socializing. All in all, the stressful workload pushed all other worries from the students' minds, and Sirius' kiss was quickly being relegated to the past. Within a few weeks, Fanny expected things to be easy and relaxed with the Gryffindors once more.  
  
It was lucky that her social forecast appeared optimistic: it gave her one less thing to worry about and allowed her to concentrate more fully on her studies. The assignment that Snape had set her turned out to be so time consuming that on top her other classes she had little energy to spare for anything else. But Fanny was determined, and her second meeting with Snape found her well prepared.  
  
Feeling a little braver this week, Fanny did not set out for the old Runes classroom until nine thirty. She had found it so difficult to concentrate on homework as she waited for Snape the previous week that she considered it wise to spend as much time as possible in the library before sneaking through the halls to her destination. Although curfew was not until ten o'clock for seventh years, she moved quietly, not wanting to be caught heading away from her common room only to be turned around and sent to bed. The classroom was as she left it last week: dark and empty save for some rickety looking furniture. This week, however, she came prepared. Pulling a handful of birch twigs from her bag, she transfigured them into pretty iron work storm lanterns and charmed them to hover overhead. This particular bit of magic had been her side project for the week. The sticks she gathered from the edge of the forest on the weekend, and the lantern spell she had learned late Monday night when she couldn't sleep for insomnia. It was a practical bit of magic that she needed to learn eventually, she told herself, but truthfully she was looking to impress Snape as well, although she would never openly admit. In her mind, she was the more eager of the two, and the idea goaded her. 'After all', she thought, 'I'm always early, I'm always encouraging him to open up, I'm always thinking to impress him. He comes late, walks out on me, makes fun of me!'  
  
When Snape did arrive, forty five minutes early, Fanny was too set in this belief that she didn't take it as an encouraging sign. She was merely relieved to have her wait cut short. The room was well lit this week, thanks to the lanterns, and his entrance didn't startle her as it did the previous time. He watched her as he crossed the room, a somber unreadable expression on his face, and continued to stare in silence even as he took his seat, and pulled books and paper from his bag. A minute or so passed as he scrutinized her, and although it was rather intimidating, Fanny held his gaze.  
  
"Well, have you completed your assignment for this week, Miss Bowley?" he finally asked.  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"Let me see, please." He impatiently held out a long thin sallow hand, and Fanny handed over her summary of chapter twenty of the potions text. He held the paper close to his face, and read in silence for a few minutes.  
  
"How long did this take you?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe two or three hours," she lied. It had taken her at least eight, but she didn't want him to think her slow.  
  
"Hmm...you misunderstood the effects of Henbane. It does not act directly on the digestive tract, but the autonomic nervous system. This is what causes hallucination. The other symptoms are side affects. The rest is not bad though. Actually," he sat back considering her paper, "it's quite good. Perhaps you do have a little potential." He smiled at her arrogantly.  
  
"Sure. Why else would you be teaching me?" asked Fanny seriously.  
  
"Er, yes, of course. Shall we continue?" Snape launched into a lecture on poisons that lasted for at least an hour and a half. Like the previous meeting, he was bold and articulate and obviously knew what he was talking about. Although she resisted, Fanny found herself thoroughly impressed with his vast knowledge. Her mother's skill at potions was always a source of admiration for young Fanny, and it developed a predisposition in the girl to believe any potions master to be wonderful.  
  
As he spoke, Fanny watched him quite enraptured. A fervent expression lit his face when he lectured on toxic fungi that he never wore in other situations. His black eyes and pallid cheeks glowed from enthusiasm and all of the scorn, sarcasm, and biting wit that he normally hid behind dropped away to reveal a vibrant seventeen year old boy, rife with the conflictions of adolescence: self-conscious but confident, frightened but determined. Fanny wondered as he spoke if she had ever met anyone who was as driven as he was, and to her surprise, she found that in his passion, he became quite alluring; almost handsome in fact. More than anything, she wanted to understand him and in return, make him interested in her.  
  
"Where are you from originally," she asked. "I mean what part of England?"  
  
His enthusiasm dropped the moment the conversation moved away from potions, and his hostile defensiveness returned. But Fanny now knew of his hidden passions and would not forget the look he wore moments before. She still found him attractive. "Oxfordshire," he said.  
  
Fanny waited for him to elaborate, but he only stared mutely down at his book. "Oh, I hear that's a nice part of the country," she said, "very green isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it's lovely," he said vacantly. "Is it quite different in America?" he asked, although Fanny had the distinct impression that he was not really interested in her answer, but was trying to shift the focus away from himself.  
  
"Quite different. In the lowlands of south Massachusetts, where I'm from, it's flatter. Well, maybe not flatter than Oxfordshire, but it certainly is compared to here," she waved her arm vaguely towards the jagged mountains that surrounded the school. "It's heavily wooded, mostly with deciduous trees, like firs, maples, birches, that sort of thing. Evergreens too. I lived in a small town that was surrounded by woods on all sides. I practically lived in there when I was little. In the spring, it was like being in a giant room with an intricate green ceiling, and when the sun shone through the leaves it would glow emerald. The streams would swell and the sound of the running water would echo through the trees for miles. It was so beautiful, so alive. It was definitely my favorite time of year. Most people say fall is the best time to be in New England, with all the foliage changing color and they have a point, it's quite amazing to see. But it's the end of the cycle, isn't it, when the trees are worn out with their current life? While the spring, it's not really like youth, more like rebirth. I always liked that idea-that you can start fresh when things wear out or go wrong." She sighed and stopped for a moment. Snape watched her quietly and seriously and although he gave no indication that he'd like to speak, she seemed to have caught his attention.  
  
She continued. "Have you ever been to Dumbledore's office? Once, when I first arrived here, I was so behind that I was practically banging all my professors' doors down for help. Well I was always rather good at transfiguration so I thought I'd get it out of the way first and start with him. Or maybe it was because he is so friendly and approachable. Anyway, do you know what he has in there? A phoenix! It's incredible. It was strange, because I found myself almost jealous of it. Wouldn't it be amazing to be able to incinerate the past and start again? It would still be a part of you-you'd be born from the ashes after all. But it's not so directly connected to you-it's a bit more abstract." Fanny fell silent, and looked at the dark windows before turning back to Snape, who still sat watching her silently. "Sorry, I can really run on sometimes."  
  
"Yes, I noticed."  
  
"You tell me something then," she said, but Snape remained silent. "Seriously, I'd like to know." Silence. "What sorts of things do you like to read?...Any favorite pets?...Greatest aspirations?...Come on, you've got to give me something."  
  
His eyes turned glassy and dangerous as he looked at her. "If you hadn't noticed, I give you the priceless gift of knowledge every Wednesday. Is that not enough for you?"  
  
"No, I mean, something that will give me some idea of who you are! If we're to be friends you can't be totally shut off to me."  
  
"Friends" he sneered, but Fanny was silent, and he didn't argue the point. Instead he yielded a little, sighed, and said, "well, if you must know: I read mostly scholarly publishings in my free time. Potions, obviously, as well as other subject. I had a dog when I was a boy, but we didn't' care much for each other. Greatest aspiration?" he smirked. "To withstand one evening without your incessant and ridiculous questions."  
  
"Shouldn't you set your aims on a more realistic goal?" Fanny smiled at him, and miraculously, incredibly, his smirk dissolved into a pleasant smile.  
  
Their meetings continued in this vein for several weeks. Fanny worked hard between sessions to keep up with the assignments Snape would set her, and she was generally rewarded with his mild approval. They would study for one or two hours, then break off into conversation that was, for the most part, friendly. Snape continued to be extremely closed about his personal life-on the third meeting he said only that his family was very ancient, and on the fourth, that he was an only child-but he was beginning to open up with his views and opinions. His intense scorn for what he called "the great bungling asses" that ran the ministry of magic was obvious. In fact, he seemed to have an aversion for authority in general and pointed out whenever possible the incompetence of almost every teacher at Hogwarts from Professor Yestmin, the Slytherin head of house, to Headmaster Dippet. At first, Fanny thought him simply a typical skeptical teenager, but as she grew to know him better, she started to wonder if his criticisms weren't well founded. 'He probably is more intelligent and competent than the people in charge,' she thought. 'How depressing it must be for him. He's so young and yet more astute than most everyone above him.'  
  
All in all, Fanny and Severus got along very well. She accepted his incessant pessimism, and he tolerated her frequent swings between whimsy and gloominess. By the end of the fifth meeting, a familiarity permeated their conversations, and laughter was not uncommon. They parted later and later each Wednesday, and on this fifth night, it was three o'clock in the morning before they said goodbye and quietly made their ways to their respective dormitories. Fanny, whose spirits increased steadily over the course of the month, was carelessly lost in pleasant thoughts as she snuck through the corridors. It was not a good time to be distracted by merriment. As she turned out of the main portrait gallery, she walked headlong into the headmaster.  
  
"My office, Miss Bowley," he said succinctly.  
  
The cold grey room hadn't changed at all since Fanny had last been there many months ago on her first day at Hogwarts making it look more than ever like the space had been carved from solid unalterable stone. The headmaster stood over Fanny who sat nervously fidgeting in the hardest most uncomfortable chair she had ever had the misfortune to alight upon.  
  
"Explanation please," said Dippet.  
  
"Well, uh, you see, I couldn't sleep." Fanny's brain was reeling in an effort to invent something that sounded at least half way plausible and she spoke very quickly. "And I remembered that I'd left my charms essay in the library. I know I should have waited until tomorrow, but I'd spent so long on it already that I guess I just freaked out, and I'm sorry I'll never do it again."  
  
The headmaster crossed over to his chair, and stretched out in an uncharacteristic moment of languor. "Tell me, Miss Bowley, what do you think your punishment should be?" he asked looking up at the ceiling.  
  
"Er.nothing?" she asked timidly with a little smile.  
  
"Now, now, I cannot simply ignore such behavior. But then again, you are one of our best students, and you will be writing your NEWT's soon. It would be a terrible waste if you failed them because you were too busy with detentions to study." He raised his eyebrows and looked at her pointedly. "You will receive no punishment for now," he emphasized, "but if I catch you out so much as one minute past curfew again, you will be expelled from Hogwarts. Do I make myself clear?" Fanny nodded. "Then bed. This minute." Dipped took her by the arm and practically dragged her behind him to the Ravenclaw dormitory.  
  
The following morning, Fanny made her way to the owlery. She had remained awake until five in the morning debating how she could communicate the events of the previous night to Snape. Walking right up to him was out of the question: he clearly did not want to be publicly associated with her. She could wait for him in the halls, as he had done with her, but there was no guarantee that she would catch him by himself. Finally she decided that an owl was the best solution. Discreet, and anonymous, his Slytherin friends would probably take no interest at all in any letters he should receive, and if they did, he could make up whatever story he liked. After several drafts, she arrived at the following:  
  
Severus,  
  
I was found out on my way back last night. Can't risk another jaunt after curfew. Still want help. Isn't there some other way?  
  
-F.  
  
It wasn't very good, she thought, but at least it didn't give too much away. Picking the most ordinary barn owl she could find, she tied the note to his leg, and gave him the proper directions.  
  
At the end of breakfast the morning post arrived. On cue, the barn owl dropped her note on Snape's plate, and flew off. Fanny watched his eyebrows furrow as he opened and read the note. His face became pale then red and she knew he was angry. He looked up and scanned the room quickly, locating her and locking her with a livid frown before storming out of the great hall. It almost seemed that he was mad at her and the indignity of it spurred Fanny's temper. Tired and irritable, she spent the rest of the day in a huff and spoke rather rudely to the few people who dared approach her. Her anger was groundless, though, and the following morning at breakfast she received a note back from him.  
  
Fanny,  
  
I'll think of something. Wait for my instructions.  
  
-S  
  
The Slytherin table was crowded, but she immediately picked him out. He was already watching her and she experienced a strange and momentary surge of excited happiness. Smiling broadly, she nodded. Relief swept over her. They would continue to meet! She guessed that he would simply end the sessions and the thought frightened her more than she cared to admit. Rereading the note once, twice, then a third time just for the hell of it, she sighed. She was weirdly satisfied that he used her first name. 


	7. A Jinx to Remember

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
A/N: Sanguine: Thanks again for reviewing! Your input is always helpful and valuable, and just to show I really listen to your advice, I've added a little something inspired by your last review in this chapter. ;)  
  
Windy: In response to your review of chapter 6-you flatter me! Super great compliments that really encourage me to write and write. You are the bane of self-doubt!  
  
Chapter 7: A Jinx to Remember  
  
May had reached its full swing before Fanny heard from Severus again. It was only a little more than two weeks in total, but it felt like a very long time indeed. She was impatient to meet with him, but at least the waiting did not generate doubt, frustration, and anxiety as it might have under different circumstances. It was obvious that Severus had not forgotten about her, but was merely biding his time until an opportunity presented itself. While he used to ignore her completely in public, he had now taken to discreetly watching her during potions and at meals. Although he was subtle enough to not attract undue attention, Fanny could often feel his gaze on her, and she found it comforting.  
  
Finally, on the Thursday before the final Hogsmede weekend of the year, she received a message.  
  
Fanny,  
  
Saturday, make your excuses and stay at Hogwarts. I'll wait for you by the seven fingered Satyr at one o'clock. Leave your books behind.  
  
-S  
  
There were no excuses to be made: the Gryffindors had not invited them to join her. Fanny looked up from her breakfast, caught Snape's eye, and nodded to him. A flicker of a smile passed over his face, and Fanny, smiling warmly herself, left the Ravenclaw table for her first class.  
  
The rest of her day passed in languorous impatience, spurred by a rare spot of leisure time gained from a lightened work load. The instructors, on the suggestion of Professor Dumbledore, had given no homework for the weekend to provide the students with one last bout of relaxation before they began to seriously prepare for their NEWT's. With nothing pressing, Fanny spent Thursday evening lounging and daydreaming alone by the shore of the lake and it was so peaceful that she decided to return Friday after dinner as well. As she left the castle at dusk, Sirius raced up to her on the front steps.  
  
"Fanny, hold up a moment," he said, and Fanny was relieved to see that he appeared relaxed and easy in her presence. "Just wanted to ask you about tomorrow? When did you want to meet up then?"  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"When did you want to meet up? So we can go to Hogsmede, remember?"  
  
"Oh, I, er, wasn't planning on going actually," she stuttered.  
  
His smile vanished and he looked rather confused. "What do you mean? C'mon Fan, it's the last one, you can't stay here all day!"  
  
"Well, I wanted to, um, catch up on some stuff, you know. Besides, I didn't know if I was invited. Nobody said anything."  
  
"That's because we assumed you'd know! Look, I'm sorry if nobody made it clear. But you're our friend, and as such you don't need to wait for invites when we've all been too busy slaving away for these wretched NEWT's to even snag a coffee together, much less hand out written invitations, and it's perfectly obvious that you're welcome anyway. Now I, for one, am not going to let you waste our last Hogsmede weekend ever playing catch up alone. It's a monumental day, we should all be together."  
  
It was the worst possible time to realize things had returned to normal with the Gryffindors, and Fanny was quite distressed. "Look, Sirius, I'm really sorry, but I was counting on using tomorrow to get on top of things. Besides, I haven't been at Hogwarts that long, so it won't exactly ruin the tradition if I'm not there." Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Fanny cut him off. "It's no use, I can't go. Let's do something Sunday instead?"  
  
Sirius frowned and clearly contemplated arguing, but thought better of it and wagging a finger in her face said, "Fine, but you'd better not cancel, Bowley, or you'll have me to answer to," he smirked suggestively, "and I promise, I won't let you off easy." He turned and walked back into the castle, leaving Fanny alone to wonder at how easy it had become to lie to her friends.  
  
By noon on Saturday the school had been emptied of all Hogsmede vacationers. When Fanny entered her common room just before one, there was not a person over thirteen in sight. It was little wonder that Snape chose this day to meet: no one of importance would see them together, even if they spent the afternoon setting off dung bombs and cacophony crackers in the great hall.  
  
At one o'clock sharp, she left the room, and found Snape skulking discreetly, not by the satyr as he had said, but in the shadowy side passage from which he had accosted her almost two months ago. They appraised each other subtly, examining and adjusting to the unfamiliar casual clothes each wore. Fanny had only ever seen Snape in his school robes, and he looked decidedly odd, but unusually clean and smart, in black slacks and a black long sleeve button up shirt. She wondered if she looked as strange to him, although she was dressed similarly in black trousers and blue t-shirt. If she did, he gave no sign, and simply said, "Shall we?"  
  
They walked through the dark windowless corridors and Fanny thought he might take her to one of the dungeons to work on practical potions. What else could they study without books and parchment? But when they reached the great hall, Snape walked right past the tunnel leading to the labs, and instead led her outside onto the bright warm lawns.  
  
"Where are we going?" she asked, pleasantly surprised.  
  
"I thought we might spend the day outside," he said simply. "There are some varieties of toxic trees in the arboretum that I'd like to show you." They strolled to the south slopes and in among the greenhouses. The sunlight shone brightly off the small glass panes as they wound through the small structures, and although the breeze was fresh and cool, the day had become quite warm. "Are you disappointed to be here rather than in Hogsmede on such a lovely day?" he asked.  
  
"No," said Fanny. "I'd much rather be here."  
  
"But I expect you miss the company of your friends?" Snape prompted as he walked slowly by Fanny's side, with his eyes to the ground. He looked strange and out of place in the cheerful spring. He was extremely pale, yet dark at the same time: like shadow and moonlight. Fanny thought he must be quite uncomfortable in his black clothes in the hot sun, and wondered briefly if he took her outside only because he thought she might like it, before dismissing the idea as vain foolishness.  
  
"I'll see my friends soon enough. Anyway, it's so difficult to schedule time with such an important person as yourself that I'd better take any opportunity I can get." She smiled playfully at Snape, and he smiled a little in return. "Aren't you a bit warm?"  
  
"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you." But he unbuttoned, and rolled his sleeves up to the elbow nonetheless. "So, tell me Fanny, what happened after our last session? You didn't say in your letter. Did you receive detention?" His eyebrows furrowed, and he looked down at her with concern.  
  
"No. It was stupid actually. I was in a bit of a daze I guess, and I walked right into Dippet like an idiot. I didn't get detention or anything, but he said he'd expel me if he caught me out after curfew again."  
  
Snape's severe expression lifted, and he chuckled lightly. "Fanny, you didn't actually believe him, did you? Dippet is all talk. Everyone knows that. He wouldn't dare expel you this close to exams. I'd be surprised if he even gave you detentions."  
  
Fanny felt her face flush, but stood her ground. "Well, I can't afford detentions right now anyway, so it makes no difference. I won't risk it."  
  
"Perhaps you would if your precious friend Black were teaching you," he spat.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? Don't get mad at me because I refuse to sneak around, losing sleep and risking expulsion when I've got exams that my entire future rests upon hanging over my head. Besides, I wouldn't talk if I were you. I'm not the one who refuses to be seen in public with you!"  
  
They walked in silence for a few moments. The greenhouses ended abruptly and the pair found themselves in a sprawling garden of colossal roses. A delightful perfume surrounded them, and the buzzing of rosa sprites filled the air as the small fuzzy pink creatures flew from blossom to blossom. Finally Snape spoke in a soft almost apologetic voice.  
  
"I'm sorry about that, Fanny. It is not that I am embarrassed to know you. But you must understand that things are quite different in Slytherin. Associations are everything, and any dealings with outsiders are severely frowned upon."  
  
"What do you care what they think then?"  
  
"It is not a matter of caring or wanting to fit in. It goes beyond school into our families and our very ways of life. Slytherins, you see, are mostly from old pure-blood lines, and rejecting the principles that govern Slytherin house is often the same as rejecting our relations. Do not misunderstand me, I am not above turning my back on them," his face hardened sharply. "But they are my key to a better future: university and a respectable position afterwards. If I can just establish myself I can be finished with them forever." He looked with absent glassy eyes to the horizon, speaking to himself more than her.  
  
His confessional revealed more about his home life than anything Fanny had yet heard and she was taken aback and totally lost for words. Struggling to think of something understanding to say and failing, she lamely put her hand on his arm. Snape jumped slightly, and turned to look at her in bewilderment almost as if he had forgotten she was there. They both stopped and faced each other, her hand still resting on his arm, each regarding the other: she with sympathy, and he with a penetrating and calculating stare. Finally, he reached up, took her outstretched arm, and transferred her hand into his own. He continued to watch her keenly for a few moments, then silently continued to walk, tugging her hand along with him. It was completely unexpected, and Fanny thought for a moment that she should be filled with the usual questions: did this mean he was interested in her? Should she encourage him? Where would it lead? But the feel of his warm, thin hand in hers felt so inexplicably natural that there was no doubt or confusion in her head and the feeble questions vanished. She relaxed and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of comradeship, comfort, and closeness that the simple gesture afforded.  
  
After another five minutes they reached the arboretum, an expansive open stone structure that resembled the crumbled remains of an ancient parish church. Snape opened the elaborate carved wooden door with his free hand and stood back to allow Fanny to enter. He followed her into the cool shade of the tall trees and closed the door behind him, retaining his gentle grip on her hand all the while. They ambled through the trunks absently commenting on some of the more remarkable varieties, but Snape did not seriously lecture her on potions and she asked few questions. Their conversation was easy and pleasant and there seemed to be a magic in the glistening rustle of the green leaves and the heady oaken smell of the forest floor that was quite beyond anything they learned at Hogwarts. Such was the magnitude of the structure that after fifteen minutes they had not yet reached the far end. But this was not Snape's destination, and after a few more yards, he directed them off the main path and into a small grassy glade by a trickling stream.  
  
"I used to come here often during my early days at Hogwarts," he said, indicating the woods that surrounded them. "I've always enjoyed its solitude." They sat down by the water and he trailed a finger in the current. "When you told me about your home, it reminded me of this place. I thought you might like it here." His consideration was touching and sincere, and it was enhanced by contrast to his usual sarcastic demeanor. "I brought food," he said, pulling a tiny basket from his pocket, and enlarging it with his wand. "We can make a picnic of it."  
  
They ate and talked and relaxed and joked. The clearing was quite like Fanny's woods in Massachusetts and she found herself almost transported to the days of her youth before ugly tragedy had marred her life. Snape, too, lost the hard cold look that usually lurked in his black eyes and laughed clearly and openly as he clumsily followed Fanny up a flowering apple tree or lay stretched out on his back on the shore of the brook. A few hours passed and, although the sun was still high in the sky, it began to grow chilly. Fanny shivered slightly and Severus stood.  
  
"Are you cold? I'm sorry I didn't bring a sweater that I could give you. Perhaps we should return to the castle," he said.  
  
"No, I'm alright. It was just a passing breeze." Fanny found herself thinking of ways to prolong her time with Snape. She didn't want the day to end.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. If you are uncomfortable we should at least go back so you can get something warmer to wear." Placated by the possibility that he wouldn't necessarily abandon her once they reached the school, Fanny grudgingly acquiesced and followed him back to the path that would take them out of the arboretum.  
  
"Have you ever been in the forbidden forest?" asked Snape.  
  
"No, of course not. It's out of bounds isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, but what difference does that make? There is a place in the forest that I'd like to show you. But you must see it in the moonlight. It will be dinner soon. With luck, we should get back before the others. Why don't you change into something warm, and meet me on the grounds after the feast?"  
  
"I don't know," said Fanny skeptically.  
  
"Oh, come on! Don't be so severe. We won't get caught, I promise. I'll even escort you back to your dorm after if you like, and if Dippet catches us, I'll tell him I put you under the imperius curse and forced you out of bed. Unlikely as that would be. Don't worry, Fanny, it will be fine."  
  
Nervous at the idea of recklessly sneaking around after Dippet's warning, and a bit put out that Snape would so casually mention casting an unforgivable curse on her, she hesitated for a moment before caving into his insistence.  
  
"All right, but if we're caught.you just wait and see what I'll do to you," she said in the most menacing voice she could feign.  
  
Snape laughed openly. "Is that a threat or a promise? I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll send Dippet an owl before we leave just so I can see what you'll do."  
  
"Don't joke!" she said, playfully elbowing him in the ribs. "Seriously, stop laughing at me!" He grabbed her shoulders and moved her over a bit to put her jabbing elbows out of range. Then in one jerky awkward movement, he pulled her back in, and put his arm around her shoulder. Inexperienced as she was with men, Fanny was a bit embarrassed and unsure what to do or how to reciprocate. Slowly and with much hesitation, she snaked her arm around his waist. They walked that way in silence out of the arboretum, along the grassy path by the roses, and through the greenhouses. Immediately before they emerged onto the south lawn, however, Snape abruptly dropped his arm and moved over so that they now walked a few feet apart.  
  
Although it was perhaps five o'clock, they had still seen no older kids. But their luck ran out, and when they were within twenty yards of the front doors they heard familiar voices behind them.  
  
"Fanny?" The pair turned, and to their mutual horror saw the whole Gryffindor gang and Lily walking up the lawn. It was Sirius who had spoken, and he stepped forward out of the group who seemed paralyzed with shock, his voice expressing the dismay and total confusion they obviously all felt at discovering their friend with a much reviled enemy. "Fanny, what are you doing with.with.this thing?" Sirius asked. Fanny, torn between the desire to keep her friendship secret, both for Severus' sake, and her own, and outrage at Sirius' rudeness, could think of no reply. "Did you cancel with us so you could spend time with him?" he pointed a finger in disgust at Severus, who stood silently, his face white and twisted in anger.  
  
"Look, Sirius, we've been studying potions together alright. And he's really helped me too so you shouldn't be so rude to him."  
  
"Rude? Are you crazy? He's as dark as they come! If there's any justice in this world, he'll be in Azkaban within five years," hollered Sirius. "You don't just hang out with an awful greasy ugly evil git like him and shrug it off as if you were having tea with a baby unicorn! And you," he rounded on Snape, pulling out his wand, and gripping it fiercely in his hand. "You keep your filthy slimy nasty hands off my friend, or I'll hunt you down."  
  
Fast as lightning, Snape had reached into his pocket, grabbed his wand and shouted "eliphantus!" Sirius had no time to respond, and the hex struck him full on the face in a flash of blue light. He fell backwards and hit the ground with a thud, his face bloated with melon sized lumps that swelled even as Lily, James, Remus and Peter reached for their own wands. But with a speed that utterly surpassed anything Fanny had ever seen, he shouted "expelliarmus" four times, and disarmed them all before even one spell was sent his way.  
  
Finding herself at last, Fanny pushed Severus and shouted "Enough", although there was little point: the damage was done. Fanny ran over to where Sirius lay, gave Remus her wand, and told him to transport him to the hospital wing. The three boys levitated the moaning boy and hurried away while Lily stayed behind, searching the grass for the wands. Turning back to Severus, who looked down at her in defensive anger, Fanny closed her gaping mouth, and feebly addressed him. "What the hell was that? You never told me you were some dark arts genius."  
  
"You never asked. But yes, I am quite skilled with hexes. Better than I am at potions, as a matter of fact. You needn't look at me in that accusatory manner, Miss Bowley; you have only your friends to thank for my dueling skills. If it weren't for their constant bullying, I never would have practiced and become the master you see today."  
  
Lily found the last of the wands, and glaring sharply at Snape, walked past them.  
  
"I'll be up in a minute, Lily," said Fanny timidly. She wasn't entirely sure that the Gryffindors wouldn't hold her responsible for Snape's recklessness.  
  
But Lily's face softened as she stopped and turned to her friend, saying, "Yes, of course, Fanny. We'll be waiting for you." She gave Snape one last scathing look, and entered the castle.  
  
Alone once more, Snape and Fanny stood across from each other, neither making eye contact. "I really don't know what to think, Severus," said Fanny, crestfallen and hopeless. "I don't believe what Sirius said, but after that little display."  
  
"In case you didn't notice, your darling friend was about to hex me. I simply returned the favor."  
  
"Yes, but.I mean.well.you can't expect me to be happy about this!" She was confused and delving, torn between sides, and her strange mixed feelings for him.  
  
"No, I don't expect anything of the sort." Snape was so upset his face was turning an ugly shade of purple, and his voice was raised in a high, cracking shriek. "So why don't you do your friends a favor and get out of my loathsome company! I'm sure that's what you're dying to do anyway. Go on; run back to that bastard Black, I dare say, he'll give you what you want with his fucking pretty face!" The absurdity of his statement hit him and he laughed madly.  
  
"No, Severus." she stammered, but he didn't hear over the noise of his raucous laughter. She reached out to grab his arm, but he jerked it back and fell dead silent.  
  
"Don't touch me, Fanny," he said lowly and dangerously. "Don't." And he backed away, up the steps, and fled into the castle, slamming the door behind him.  
  
Nauseous from the sudden horrible change the day had taken, Fanny walked slowly to the hospital wing. Her four unharmed friends sat round Sirius, and all five watched her gravely but sympathetically as she entered the room and made her way over to the bed. They did not appear to blame her or hold her responsible at all. Sirius was prone, but conscious and the swelling had appeared to have gone down a little.  
  
"Alright?" Fanny asked, and Sirius nodded in reply. She wanted to tell him that she was terribly sorry, that she would undo it if she could, that Snape wasn't as bad as they all thought, and that he was her friend, but her throat was dry and she found it difficult to speak. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and Sirius took her hand. "Fanny," he said with some trouble, "promise me you won't see him again." Fanny hung her head and didn't answer. "Promise," he repeated and he tugged on her hand so that she looked up into his poor swollen face. Concern filled his eyes rather than malice or anger, and she knew that Sirius asked this, not because he hated Snape, but because he thought it was in her best interest. "Promise," he said once more and he squeezed her hand so tightly it hurt.  
  
"I promise," she said numbly. 


	8. On Rocky Ground

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 8: On Rocky Ground  
  
Fanny and the Gryffindors stayed in the hospital wing with Sirius until just before curfew, when the young intern Madam Pomfrey chased them out. By the time they left, the swelling in his face had almost completely receded, leaving only a slight discoloration and puffiness around the eyes. Sirius' mood had not improved, though, and he broke off the conversation sporadically throughout the evening to repeatedly ask Fanny to never see 'that bastard Snape' again. Each time she agreed in a dull, half-hearted way, but of course she was lying. Once or twice she considered telling Sirius the truth-that she would almost certainly continue to see Snape-but it was not a good time to argue with him. He was utterly convinced that Snape was evil incarnate, and nothing Fanny could say would dissuade him.  
  
The speed and efficiency of Snape's hexes had, of course, bothered Fanny, as well as the bizarre and ugly scene he had thrown afterwards. But everyone had their faults, she reasoned, and his had not yet become severe enough to justify breaking off their friendship. He was difficult and sometimes dangerous, but he was still worth the effort and Fanny knew that it was only a matter of time before she would fully accept this new unsavory side of his personality and approach him, if he had not already made the first move.  
  
For the time being, though, Fanny wanted to avoid him. It was entirely likely that the Gryffindor four would seek retribution for the damage done to Sirius. After witnessing Snape's dueling skills, though, and having full confidence in James' and Sirius' talents with a wand, Fanny wasn't actually concerned about the outcome of such a confrontation: she knew the boys could take care of themselves. What did worry her was that it would occur in front of her, and that she would be thrown in the middle again, forced to choose sides. The best way to avoid this was, of course, to keep the groups apart. If she didn't see any of them for a few days, they couldn't fight in front of her. Unfortunately, Fanny had made Sunday plans with Sirius, and couldn't bring herself to cancel with him after what had happened. So it was Snape that she must avoid. With this thought in mind, it was with great reluctance that she left her dorm and went down to breakfast the next morning.  
  
When she arrived in the Great Hall, Sirius was already out of the hospital and seated with the others. Fanny was happy to see that he looked quite normal again, although he obviously still felt sore and uncomfortable and often screwed up his face in an attempt to stretch his stiff muscles. She made her way over to them, meaning only to ask him how he felt before finding a seat at her own table, but when she arrived, Sirius forced Peter over and insisted that she join them. Grudgingly she agreed and sat between the two boys, meeting with curious glances from nearby Gryffindors she didn't know.  
  
"I was just let me out this morning," Sirius said with a grimace. "Those beds are dreadful. All lumps and springs in your backs. You'd think they fix them, it's an easy enough little spell. Smoothed out my dorm bed back in second year. Couldn't fix last night's, though, Lily had my wand. Didn't sleep a wink." He magically enlarged his mug before pouring a giant cup of coffee. "It seems like more than two tiny little cups," he said with shrugging and grinning, before his face fell abruptly in a wince. Apparently it still hurt him to smile. "What shall we do today then, Fan?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe something away from the crowds" she suggested in the hopes of steering the group clear of Severus. "What do you guys think?"  
  
"Useless asking them, it's just you and me today."  
  
"What are you lot doing?"  
  
"Got lots of catching up to do," said Remus. "Yesterday was the only day off I could afford."  
  
"Yeah, me too," Peter agreed.  
  
Lily and James looked coy and from their expressions alone, Fanny understood that they were planning private time.  
  
"I don't know then," said Fanny, turning to Sirius. "You're the one who was sick. What are you feeling up to?"  
  
"Oh, just about anything," he said in a silky suggestive tone that made Fanny roll her eyes. "I'm just teasing you, kid. We could go for a walk or something if you wanted to be alone. Or.we could always take a trip into town after all. James, have you got the you-know-what?"  
  
"Going to cause some mischief Padfoot? That's my boy!" He beamed at his friend and rifled through his bag. After removing and depositing the top contents on the table, which consisted of a jar of legless spiders, a shady looking book on transfiguration entitled 'Metamorphosis: Only Slightly Illegal Party Tricks,' and a bottle of unlabeled bubbling green goo, he pulled out a worn blank piece of parchment and handed it to Sirius. Lily watched the transaction with a look of disapproval, but said nothing.  
  
"Thanks. OK, it's decided then."  
  
"What's decided? You don't mean a trip into Hogsmede do you? You're insane. We'll never get off school grounds without being caught!"  
  
"Ah, my dear, you underestimate the resourcefulness of Gryffindors. Stick by me, and I swear, no trouble will come your way."  
  
"No, I really don't think so."  
  
"Come on, James and I have made countless illicit Hogsmede trips. Lily's even been a few times."  
  
Fanny looked at her friend, who smiled and blushed guiltily. "It's true, the boys know what they're doing," she said. "I doubt you'll be caught. Although I don't condone rule-breaking," she added in a half-hearted afterthought.  
  
"Yeah, but you wouldn't say that if you weren't head girl," said Sirius, laughing as much as his sore face would allow. Grumbling, Lily conceded the point, and quickly switched to a more romantic mood as she reminisced on her time in Hogsmede.  
  
"Do you remember the first time we snuck out there James," she said dreamily. He smiled fondly and put his arm around her. "It was lovely," she added to the others. "You can't imagine how nice it is when there aren't a heap of kids running about, causing trouble, making noise. And all the people you know and have to stop and talk to. You'll have a really nice time Fanny."  
  
"Yeah," Sirius continued, "we'll have fun. And we can avoid the main street if you're worried, there's plenty more to do if you know." He broke off suddenly, tensed, and grabbed for his wand. But Fanny had been waiting for just this reaction, and caught his arm in a determined grip before he could act. Only after she had secured him did she look up and see the exact person she had expected. Severus stood at the entrance to the great hall, a frozen glare directed right at her. A small scuffle ensued. Sirius tried to free his arm but Fanny held on tight. Switching tactics he tried to move his wand to his other hand, but she persevered, abandoned all subtlety and flung both arms round his middle so that his arms were pinioned to his sides. The Gryffindors around them stared and giggled in amusement but she didn't care. There was no way she would let Sirius hex Severus.  
  
"Get off Fanny, that bastard has it coming," said Sirius, worming one arm out of her surprisingly strong grip.  
  
"No, leave him. Sirius, I mean it. I won't go anywhere with you if you curse him." His struggle died down, and he turned to face her, surprised.  
  
"Are you blackmailing me?" he asked in awe.  
  
"It would seem so."  
  
"Well," his said with gleaming eyes. He was clearly impressed. "I suppose I have no choice then." His wand disappeared back into his pocket and he straightened his rumpled robes with an air of dignity.  
  
Looking back up, Fanny saw that Severus had moved to his own table, and was already eating breakfast, ignoring her entirely. In a few days she would try to set things right with him, she decided. But for now she had enough to worry about with the prospect of spending an entire day in Hogsmede with Sirius. In addition to the risk of punishment, she didn't really want to be alone with him, and she sincerely hoped that the events of the maze chase would not be repeated.  
  
After breakfast, the group dispersed, and Sirius led Fanny to a small dusty corridor on the fourth floor. Stopping by a full length mirror, flanked by two suits of armor, he pulled out the parchment James had given him and tapped it with his wand.  
  
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered, and to Fanny's utter amazement, spidery lines appeared across the page, weaving themselves into a map alive with hundreds of black dots moving and milling about. "Ailurophobilia," he said, and the mirror swung open like a door, exposing a staircase beyond. Grabbing her hand, Sirius pulled her quickly onto the landing before the mirror shut behind them. "Mischief managed," he said, tapping the parchment again with his wand. "Lumos." Fanny lit her wand as well, and Sirius took her by the hand and led her down the stairs. They descended for at least ten stories before suddenly emerging into a crude dark dirt-walled passage that seemed to stretch on for miles under their feet before ending abruptly at a frayed rope ladder. Sirius climbed up and fidgeted with something at the top for a few moments before part of the roof gave way and the passage was flooded with light. Climbing after him, Fanny emerged in a rocky field flanked by a sheer cliff to the east and low rolling hills in the other directions. A large boulder lying beside the hole they had just climbed through rolled over, and covered the passage once more.  
  
"We're on the eastern outskirts of Hogsmede," Sirius told her. "There are some pretty amazing caves in these hills that I can show you. We don't even have to go into town if you're worried about it."  
  
It sounded like a great idea to Fanny, and they set off to explore the foothills. Sirius moved like a mountain goat over the rocky terrain, picking his way deftly through the unstable areas while Fanny followed slowly, stumbling clumsily from time to time.  
  
"The boys and I have been coming here for years," he explained. "Found out about the fourth-floor tunnel in second year. Quite the liberating discovery."  
  
"How many are there? Tunnels I mean?"  
  
"We've found seven so far. No telling how many in total. Could be hundreds. Although I think we've found them all. We're pretty thorough."  
  
Sirius reached a ledge that was some five feet above the path, and shimmied up. "Give us your hand," he said, and pulled Fanny up after him. They stood by an opening in the mountain and Sirius led them in. "This is the cave of fire," he said. "Named after one Saturday the four of us spent in here with a pilfered bottle of Ogden's. Nasty morning after that produced." The cave was spacious and airy and in the shadowy light Fanny could see various drawings on the floor and walls. Several were quite lewd. "You know how boys can be," Sirius explained, a bit embarrassed, when he saw her examining them. "Especially after their first dose of whiskey!" Fanny laughed and Sirius pointed out some of the more lifelike renditions.  
  
"Is that Peter?" Fanny asked pointing to one picture.  
  
"Er, yeah it is," he said, looking suddenly uncomfortable.  
  
"What the hell is he doing with that rat? Is it what I think it is? You guys are really sick!" she said, in a tone of mock disapproval laced with suppressed laughter. In truth, she found the drawing disgusting, but hilarious.  
  
Blushing dramatically, Sirius moved away to one corner of the cave and began to examine something. "Hey, come and have a look at this," he said, poking about in a pile of rocks. Shifting some of them about, he pointed to a small nook in the wall they had been covering. "Are you up for a bit of fun?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear. From out of the niche, he pulled a large bottle of fire whiskey. "I completely forgot we hid this here. Only finished half of it last time," he said, holding the dark green bottle up to the light. "We were completely blotto. How embarrassing."  
  
Opening the bottle he took a whiff and grimaced. "Nasty harsh stuff, this. Shall we then?" He conjured up two cut crystal tumblers out of thin air (which made Fanny feel badly for her total inability to conjure so much as a toothpick), poured each of them a stiff drink, and offered one to Fanny. Sirius threw back his glass and swallowed half the contents in one gulp. Unfortunately he wasn't up for it, and his face immediately turned an unhealthy shade of green, and he coughed violently for a whole minute. Had he known better, he might have realized that alcohol and all-purpose- counter-jinx antinflammatories don't mix well.  
  
Fanny was less cavalier and sipped hers delicately but steadily. She understood how to drink, having learned from her liberal mother who held the philosophy that knowledge produces control while ignorance breeds addiction. In the weeks following Gene's death, Fanny had exploited this understanding, and turned on several occasions to the liquor cabinet she had so recently inherited, quickly developing a taste for, and resistance to, alcohol.  
  
So it was that several drinks later Sirius had reached a state of total drunkenness, while Fanny was only slightly tipsy. It was the perfect combination for great fun. Completely unrestrained, Sirius was in his element, telling rude jokes during bouts of hyperactivity ("An ogre and a nymph are in a boat going down some rapids when the boat capsizes."), and flirting harmlessly, but voraciously when the liquor knocked him into a near-stupor ("You're sho pretty, Fann-uh-ne," he slurred). It was all so silly that it made the interest he normally showed in her seem much less significant and the pressure Fanny normally felt around him evaporated.  
  
After several hours of partially disjointed conversation, they both found themselves rather hungry and following a short argument they retired to the Hog's Head tavern in the village for tea. Sneaking through the now dark streets, the pair sidled into the dingy bar and took a seat at one of the darker and more remote booths in the corner. Several hours had passed since they had finished the firewhisky but Sirius was still fairly drunk, and half fell onto his seat. They ordered the most ordinary sounding dish on the menu, pig's eye stew, and hoped sincerely that the name was misleading. As they waited for supper, Fanny asked the question she had been pondering off and on all day.  
  
"Sirius, why did James call you Padfoot this morning?" Her interest had been piqued by the strange furtive glances the boys cast each other that morning when the nickname was mentioned.  
  
"Heh? Oh, it wasn't nothin'," he said. He was clearly trying to sound casual, but his voice betrayed anxiety and Fanny's curiosity exploded.  
  
"Oh, come on. You can tell me! Please, Sirius," she said in her sweetest, prettiest voice. A mischievous glint shone in Sirius' eye, and she could tell that part of him wanted to tell her. She went for broke. "Don't you trust me?" she asked, affecting an offended tone, and looked down at the table in false dejection.  
  
"No, Fanny, it's not that," he said, clumsily grabbing her arm. "Just that it's classified information." Fanny ignored his appeal, and continued to stare at the grubby table in silence. "Ok, ok, I'll tell you." He leaned in close and began to whisper loudly. "You know Remus? It's a shecret.er.secret, and you can't tell anyone! OK," he looked around to make sure no one was nearby and dropped his voice further. "He's a were-y- wolf! So us boys: James, and me and Peter, we all became animals to help. You know, animaligus'es, I mean, animagimal's."  
  
Fanny's eyes grew round with wonder. "You're animagi?" she asked, totally impressed.  
  
Sirius jutted out his chin proudly and nodded. "Yup, I'm a dog. Padfoot. Get it?"  
  
"Yeah. But how did you guys do it? It's nearly impossible to learn isn't it?"  
  
"Mmm hmm. Got to go to the loo." He stood, and pointed at Fanny. "Don't tell anyone!" he said once more, and vanished through a dingy door in the corner. By the time he returned to his seat, his eyes were dimming with drunken fatigue, and Fanny could tell that he was hitting the limit of his conversational abilities. Further explanations about the magic of animagi were clearly out of the question. So they sat in silence until the food came. The stew was so thick that it was quite impossible to tell what was in it, but it was nourishing nonetheless, and after awkwardly slurping back three quarters of his bowl, Sirius began to come round again. They stayed on after supper, drinking coffee, and trying to sober up before risking the halls of Hogwarts. It was nearly two in the morning by the time Sirius felt comfortable enough to pull out the map and head back to school.  
  
The darkened tunnel was cold and difficult to navigate at the late hour. But they made it back without incident and stumbled awkwardly into the fourth floor corridor some forty minutes later. Sirius read the map with difficulty, holding it close to his face then at arms length, then close again.  
  
"I think the coast is clear to Ravenclaw. You'd better hurry though," he said. "No guarantee that someone won't wake up."  
  
A sudden thought occurred to Fanny. "Can I see it for a minute?" she asked. Taking the map, she scanned the Slytherin boys' dormitory. Not there. She checked the rest of the Slytherin area. Not there either. The main floor, the old runes classroom, the upper dungeons, all empty. Then she found what she was looking for: a tiny dot labeled 'Severus Snape' in a remote room in the lowest dungeon. And to her great horror a second dot accompanied, so close to Snape's spot that it almost overlapped it entirely. Nine floors below her, in some private location in the dead of night Snape was alone with Violet Swan. 


	9. A Shot in the Dark

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
Chapter 9: A Shot in the Dark  
  
"You're home late, luvvy." The seven fingered satyr blocked her path with a mischievous grin.  
  
"Just let me by," said Fanny, who, since her perusal of the Marauder's Map, was in no mood to argue. But for the first time during her stint at Hogwarts, the statue remained stolidly in her path. Her walk from the mirror on the fourth floor had been uneventful thus far and to meet with trouble at the end of the journey was extremely irritating, especially at three in the morning.  
  
"Weren't out with your little Slytherin friend then? I've been hearin' all sorts of tales 'bout you and your boy. Last I hear you got a bit 'o competition. Saw him myself with some pretty blond dish only this evenin'. Now you're back late, an' since he weren't with you, you must not 'ave been with him, if you follow me. So I says to myself, Bob, that little git's got a spot o' competition himself. Serves him well if you asks me." The satyr winked at Fanny.  
  
"Damn it, would you just get out of my way? What difference does it make to you anyway?"  
  
"I always mind when a pretty girl's scamperin' about in the dead of night. It's my job guardin' you lot. So I asks myself, 'Where could she be comin' from? What mischief could she have been getting' up to? Maybe the others knows somethin'. So I asks them, the paintins and such. Well, turns out, some of them's been keepin' an eye on you too. Seems your mum had a bit of a reputation, so to speak, as well." He winked again and tapped his nose meaningfully with one of his mutilated hands. "Had a bit of an admirer they say. Didn't take well to rejection this boy. Caused your mum a spot o' trouble, he did. Acted all threatenin' like. Not gentlemanly at all. Take a bit of advice from old Bob, luvvy: you'd be wise to tread careful. Don't want to repeat your old lady's mistakes now do you? Slytherin's are no good. Whole school knows it. 'N yours is worse than the whole lot from what I hear. He catches you cavortin' with other boys, I spect they'll be the devil to pay, even if he got a little jam tart of his own on the side, if you follow." And he winked one last time, so that Fanny began to seriously wonder if there weren't something wrong with his eye.  
  
"What are you talking about? He's not 'my boy' and I sincerely doubt he'd care at all if he saw me with someone else," except Sirius she thought with a pang of guilt. "And when did you see him today?" she added, resigning to her mounting curiosity.  
  
"Oh ho! I spot a bit o' green in your cheeks! Maybe he's the one as should be watchin' out for you. Well, seein' as you're in Ravenclaw and all, I s'pose I'd better be takin' your side, so I'll tell you what I seen. T'was nigh on two hours ago and that little boy o' yours come trapsin' down this 'ere hall with some little blond toffer. Looks all full of himself 'e does. Well they heads off towards the north tower they do lookin' all innocent like they was only 'ere out of necessity. But I seen his beady eyes dartin' here and there lookin' for somethin' or hopin' as to be seen."  
  
"Was he.were they.you know.holding hands or anything?"  
  
The satyr let out a raucous laugh. "Ahh, you ain't wastin' no time, are you luvvy? Right to the point. Naw, they wasn't holding hands per se, but his pretty hussy's clutchin' his arm pretty stiff like. His arm'll be black an' blue come mornin' I can tell you. Don't fret tho, I 'spect he was puttin' up with it as to seem chummy like with the missy." The satyr fell silent and waited patiently for Fanny to formulate more questions. But her mind was such a confusion that she could only stare mutely at the statue, as if in shock, waiting for him to continue.  
  
"Poor luv," he said after a few moments. "Don't know what to make of it all do you? If you take my advice." he began, but was cut off suddenly when a strange rodent, resembling a miniature albino beaver, rushed into a nearby painting and began chirruping wildly. "Ooh, Roger here says there's a teacher out and about. Better get off to bed, you had." His hairy alabaster goat legs sprang to life as he sidled smoothly out of the way and opened the door for Fanny. Panic overtook her and she immediately rushed into her common room and didn't stop running until she was under the covers in bed.  
  
Sleep did not come easy for Fanny that night, despite the late hour, the exhaustingly busy day, and the copious amounts of liquor she had consumed. Questions and worries ran obsessively through her mind so that even when she made a conscious effort to clear her thoughts she could only picture a creepy stranger stalking her young mother, or Snape in bed with a version of Violet that her imagination had turned into a goddess.  
  
What did the satyr know about her mother? Who was her admirer? These questions were among the easier to deal with. Teenagers will be teenagers, and it was silly to think that Gene had never been involved in immature romantic shenanigans like everyone else. Even if her escapades had been more sinister than most peoples, she had never mentioned any such problems to Fanny, so they couldn't have been that bad, could they? In any case, whatever happened to her mother, good or bad, happened a long time ago, and thereby paled in comparison to current problems.  
  
The real concern that plagued Fanny in the small hours of the night was Severus. The satyr was right: she was jealous of Violet. It was bad enough seeing them together on the map, but hearing that they paraded around her part of the school arm in arm infuriated her. Was Snape trying to make her jealous? Or was he showing off a new girlfriend? Maybe he wanted to let Fanny know that she was too late, that he had become unavailable while she wasted time with Sirius. In any case, the events of the evening threw one truth into painful relief: she was interested in Severus romantically and she wanted to become his girlfriend. But what should she do about this revelation? Two possibilities occurred to her.  
  
Option one: she could take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and ask him out. This possibility had several problems, of course. It would be extremely humiliating if he were actually dating Violet. It would be worse still if he were single, but just not interested. And if he did say no, for whatever reason, she would almost certainly lose him as a friend. Did she even have the nerve to do it?  
  
Option two: she could continue to encourage him until he felt confident enough to ask her out himself, if that was even his intent. His recent behavior towards her seemed to imply that he did like her. When they had studied together he frequently said mildly suggestive things, and then he held her hand and even put his arm around her on Saturday. She half suspected that he would even have tried to kiss her that evening if they hadn't run into Sirius and the gang.  
  
The second option was obviously the easier route. But Snape was so unpredictable and paranoid that there was no guarantee he would ever make the first move. Besides, this route would take time, and time was something Fanny did not have. School was ending soon and she had only a month to establish herself with him before they would go their separate ways. Then there was that awful girl. It was fairly obvious that she was also interested in Snape, and Fanny had the further time pressure of getting to him before she did. If it weren't already too late. As much as she loathed putting herself on the spot, Fanny had landed in a do or die situation, and asking Snape out was the only viable option she saw.  
  
The next logical question was when to do it. The sooner the better-the next day if possible. When would she see him? At meals. Breakfast and lunch were bad ideas. There would be too much of a rush to get to classes to give her enough time to explain herself. Would dinner work? If she caught him on his way out of the Great Hall she would have at least three hours to speak with him before curfew (which they would very likely skip anyhow). Dinner it would be then. After dessert, when he had left the room she would confront him and ask to speak with him in private. It was very likely that someone would witness this conversation, but to hell with everyone and what they thought!  
  
After deliberating on these ideas for what seemed like eternity, Fanny fell asleep for a few hours and woke early Monday morning feeling like a condemned man. Not wanting to see anything that might make her waver in her decision to confront Severus, like that horrible simpering cow Violet, she rushed through breakfast, and lunch, only stopping by the Great Hall to pack a bit of food away in her bag before leaving. She made a great effort to avoid everyone she knew, taking small and winding side corridors from class to class. By dinner, she had spoken only about half a dozen words all day, and those to Lily as a brief hello in charms.  
  
Finally, the day drew to a close, and dinner was upon her. Entering the great hall, she sat facing the Slytherin table so that she could watch Severus and follow him when he left. She spotted him at his table sitting, to her great annoyance, next to Violet and kept her eye on him while she pushed boiled peas around her plate and waited. The smell of the food made her nauseous and the cheerful chatter of the kids around her hurt her head. The whole world seemed disgustingly quaint in the light of the dreadful task that awaited her. Finally, when she thought she could bear it no more, Severus rose and made to leave with Violet at his side. It was an unfortunate snag in her plan, but one that she was willing to accept. She hardly cared what Violet thought, and humiliating herself in front of the nasty Slytherin girl could be no worse than humiliating herself in front of Severus. And if Snape accepted her proposition, it would be particularly satisfying to have Violet bear witness. Besides, she had worked herself up to this moment all day, and could not let herself be deterred now. Scrambling to her feet, she made to follow them, but was intercepted on the way.  
  
"Fanny, I've got to speak with you." It was Sirius, and he looked terrible. "About what I told you yesterday."  
  
"Uh, can't it wait," she interrupted, looking over his shoulder in panic at the Slytherin couple that were at this very moment strolling towards the door.  
  
"No. You see, I really shouldn't have told you about.well, you know. And I'd like to ask you to promise you'll NEVER repeat it to anyone."  
  
"Yeah, sure, of course," she answered vaguely, trying to skirt him and bolt.  
  
"This is serious Fanny. Would you PLEASE look at me when I'm talking to you?" He was growing angry, and seeing no way around him but through compliance, Fanny looked directly at him.  
  
"Sirius, you really can trust me. I'd never tell a soul. Honestly. But I really am in a hurry, so please let me by."  
  
Sirius glanced over his shoulder to where Fanny had been looking, and his face turned ashen. "Well, well, well," he said turning back to her with narrowed eyes. "What could be so important, I wonder, to tear you away from me?" His voice dripped with malice and sarcasm. "Don't let me stand in your way then," he said, standing to one side.  
  
This was severely spoiling her plans. It was obvious that there would be major trouble with Sirius if she walked away from him now, but if she didn't, she may never build up the nerve to confront Severus again. It was Sirius or Snape; she had to choose between them here and now. She chose Snape.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, and walked right past Sirius and left the hall. Severus had only left moments before, and if she was lucky she might just catch up with him before he reached his common room, if that was where he was going. Breaking into a jog, she hurried down the main dungeon hall and turned into the corridor that led straight for the Slytherin dormitories. Maybe twenty feet further on were Snape and Violet, arm in arm. Ignoring the implications of this gesture, Fanny raced after them.  
  
"Severus," she panted, pulling up behind them. The pair turned and looked at her, Snape with confusion and skepticism, and Violet with undisguised disgust. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"  
  
Snape didn't answer, but continued to gape at her, shock quickly dissolving into horror.  
  
"Are you joking?" Violet asked, staring at Fanny as if she were a particularly revolting dung pile. "Of course not. Come along, Severus, ignore the Ravenclaw trash. She's clearly insane." Violet clutched onto Severus' arm so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and pulled him towards the door at the far end of the corridor. Still staring in disbelief at Fanny, he allowed himself to be led away. But Fanny was tired of the games, tired of being an object of shame to him, tired of secrecy, and tired of his bitchy little friend. She had to get it off her chest and in an act of reckless foolishness she spilled all her feelings in front of them both. What did it matter anymore, she told herself, she was graduating in a few weeks anyway.  
  
"Wait Severus," she said. "I really do need to speak with you. And it can't wait until whatever random time in the future you find to meet with me again."  
  
Violet stopped dead in her tracks and, flushing an ugly shade of red, turned to Snape. "Meet with her again? What does she mean?" she asked in a low and dangerous voice.  
  
"Fanny," warned Severus. "Don't do this."  
  
"Fanny? Since when were you on a first name basis with HER?" Violet was becoming quickly hysterical. Snape ignored her.  
  
"Please Severus, I just wanted to tell you." Fanny broke off, preparing to take the ultimate plunge. "I wanted to tell you that I like you. And I wanted to know if you'd like to go on a date, an official date with me sometime." She blurted it out very quickly and stood in silence, uneasily returning Snape's dead somber gaze, which would not have been much different if she had just finished beating him with a bat. The sound of laughter broke the silence, quietly at first, then rising to a frenzied volume. It was Violet.  
  
"You pathetic stupid little girl," she spat. "He's already dating me!"  
  
Total silence fell over the corridor. Unable to speak, Fanny gaped, her mouth hanging open and her face burning and red. Snape hung his head in silent resignation wordlessly communicating that Violet had spoken the truth. She was too late then. If only she had asked him Saturday, if only they hadn't run into Sirius, if only, if only.  
  
"Oh," Fanny whispered, feeling a sudden need to explain herself in her embarrassment. "I should have been quicker. If I had asked earlier."  
  
"Earlier?" Violet cut in. "I don't think so. We've been together for over a year now." And with a mighty jerk, she pulled Severus around and dragged him to their common room. He followed without resistance and did not look back.  
  
Fanny stood in the hall violently shaking. He'd been seeing someone the whole time she knew him? And he never told her? And he had encouraged her to believe that he liked her? Self doubt crept into her mind. Maybe he never had led her on. Maybe she was crazy and imagined it all. Why would he take interest in her? She was just an ugly horrible nonentity! A stupid insignificant little girl that nobody liked. She didn't even like herself. She hated herself!  
  
Her mind switched again. She didn't hate herself. She wasn't a nobody, she did have friends. Severus had led her on. How else could she interpret the thoughtful trip to the woods, the heated glances and the hand holding other than by assuming that he was interested in her? He had played with her mind and her feelings. He had humiliated her and rejected her and made her question her own sanity. It was his fault she felt this way now and she would make him pay. 


	10. Dead Ends Force New Directions

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
A/N#1: Sorry for the delay before this chapter. Vacationing really knocked the writing bug out of me for a while. Then backups at work utterly destroyed it.  
  
A/N#2: I have recently changed Fanny's last name from Hindley to Bowley. Apparently Hindley is the name of an infamous British child murderer. Given that this fic is taking place among children in Britain I didn't want to mislead any readers into thinking that there was a connection between my character and this woman. No offence is intended to any of you who may be named Hindley-I originally chose it because I think it's a lovely name. The association is truly unfortunate and if it weren't for the multiple similarities (ie-kids, location AND name) I would not have made the change.  
  
Thanks again to all who have read and reviewed.  
  
Chapter 10: Dead Ends Force New Directions  
  
The dorm room slammed shut with such force the window panes rattled. The girls that had been sitting in a circle on Linda's bed stopped giggling instantly and turned to see Fanny stride to her bed and shout "silensio" as she pointed her wand at the canopy. But her voice was so distorted from hysteria and anger that her wand shot angry green flames that knocked the curtains down, causing a racket and failing in its intent. The girls watched her with mild surprise. Having lived together for the better part of seven years, they had seen each of the others in such a fit at some point or another. But this was the first time any had seen Fanny break down. Clearly experience had taught them well, and they set into motion instantly. Linda pulled out her wand and rehung the curtains, while Tiffany cast the "silensio" charm on the bed. Together they lifted Fanny's sprawling arms and legs onto her bed so that she would be encased in the sound proof area and closed the curtains gently to give her privacy.  
  
"Fanny, we're going to leave now. The dorm is yours," Linda said as the girls stole from the room.  
  
But Fanny didn't hear. Tears of jealousy, rage, embarrassment, and most acute of all, disappointment burst out and a terrible wailing overwhelmed her completely. Severus had betrayed her! He had lied to her and let her down. He was no friend to her, it was impossible to think he had any feelings for her at all after tonight. He had been a dream that Fanny had grasped for and now she lost him.  
  
Why was she surprised? Loss was her lot in life. It wasn't as if this was her first. No, her first had been twelve years ago and it was still clear in her memory today. One deceptively fine spring evening, when the world seemed ripe with promise, Fanny sat with her mother on the veranda in the lingering dusk. The dry chipping paint and creaking boards seemed almost real as Fanny remembered them from her dorm bed. They were waiting for her father to return. Where he had been, she never found out. Her mother had never told her, had never spoke of him after he died.  
  
The dusk had at last faded when Gene rose to collect sweaters for them both and returned to wait through the darkness with whatever hope she may have had. It was clear to Fanny, even at the time, that something was horribly wrong. Her mother's voice had never sounded so strained nor had they ever passed so much time in silence. But in her young mind, Fanny could not guess at the abyss of misery into which Gene was now sinking and after a time fell asleep leaning against her mother's legs.  
  
It was the light of dawn that awoke her early the following morning. With stiff bones the events of the previous evening returned along with the realization that they were still on the porch; her father must not have returned. It wasn't long before the truth was revealed. A man in a grey suit appeared at the gate and as he came up the garden path her mother watched him with a blank dead look in her eyes that was somehow more terrible than anything to Fanny. The man in the suit handed Gene a letter. Her father had been found dead in the park. The investigators said it was a heart attack, impossible as it seemed in a man so young.  
  
As her tired mind wandered to the years after he died, she realized that the repercussions of her father's death had perhaps more of an effect on her than the death itself. Almost immediately Gene picked up and moved to America 'for a change' as she would say. The vagueness of the statement often bothered Fanny but her mother offered nothing more when asked. So the mystery of the situation was never resolved but was instead slowly buried beneath the workings of daily life which were busy and often troublesome in the absence of a second adult. The simplest chores were difficult for Gene to manage on top of the heavy workload financial necessity forced upon her. In the end, Fanny and her mother both took on responsibilities beyond their years and natural position and it added significantly to the stress, especially for Gene. Now, all these years later, Fanny finally understood how difficult it must have been for her mother, struggling on her own, wanting more than anything to give her daughter a normal and carefree life, to make up for her lack of a father, and being completely unable to do so.  
  
What Gene did not understand was that although their life was somewhat unconventional by traditional wizard standards, it was more than enough for a child. If she could tell her mother one thing, Fanny thought, it would be that her company and her love had made up for everything, and could have compensated for any loss, even if the entire world fell away. But she could tell her mother nothing now nor would she ever again. Never in this waking life would she be able to see her, touch her, live one more normal day in her company.  
  
Lying in her silenced bed at Hogwarts over three thousand miles from her home and the small patch of earth that would forever represent her mother Fanny was overwhelmed by unappeasable longing and hopelessness. What could she do now that there was nothing left to look forward to? Thinking back over the evening, Fanny knew that although she was genuinely hurt and disappointed by Severus' rejection, the most significant loss was the distraction. Liking a boy and thinking about him night and day eclipsed the impossible burden of memory. And while she was still extremely angry about his deception and cruel misleading behavior, the desire to hurt him in return faded in the sobering reality of her reminiscences. All she wanted now was another distraction, something to take her mind off its terrible wanderings. And if Severus would not be that distraction, she would find another.  
  
Unable to fully put her mother out of her mind again, Fanny turned her mind to a less depressing side of the topic. The mystery surrounding Gene's death, the cryptic remarks made by the seven fingered Satyr, and the abnormal lack of information she had regarding her father all crowded into her head and stimulated her curiosity so that soon she was unable to think of anything but the seemingly dramatic events of her mother's life. And happily for Fanny, she could do something about this train of thought.  
  
With this new purpose Fanny calmed down considerably, wiped her eyes, and got out of bed. Stopping briefly in the bathroom to wash the traces of crying off her face, she left the dorm, approached the statue that guarded it and plunged directly into her cross examination.  
  
"You told me last night that my mother had an admirer at school," she said bluntly. "Who was he?"  
  
The Satyr stared at her in shock and apparent horror. It took him several seconds spent gaping awkwardly before he collected himself and answered with a rather obvious lie. "Oh, hmm, did I mention a boy?" He toed the ground coyly with one hoof and bowed his head. "Can't seem to rememba' that one luvvie."  
  
"Come on! You just told me about him yesterday. Said he was crazy and that I should be careful not to pick up one like him. Now who was he?"  
  
"Don't know what 'cha talkin' about."  
  
"The boy that followed my mother around. You remember my mother?"  
  
"Yeah, I rememba' your mum. Didn't know her well of course, not bein' in my house and all, but the walls got ears in this place and I never did hear nothin' but good about that girl. Gene Kingsley: nice young lady she was too."  
  
"Gene Kent," Fanny interrupted.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"Kent. My mother's maiden name was Kent."  
  
"Oh, yes of course it was, sorry, sorry," said the Satyr, and Fanny thought he looked rather more embarrassed than he should.  
  
"It's ok. It was just a mistake.wasn't it?" she asked, confused.  
  
"Yes, yes, of course, a mistake. Kent, how could I have forgotten," he added hastily.  
  
"So who was her admirer then?" she demanded, hoping he would slip up in his apparently muddled state.  
  
The Satyr let out a 'harumph' and fixed Fanny with an indignant stare, switching tactics from coy to brusque. "He wasn't nobody," he said. "And if you're smart, you'll be lettin' the matter drop."  
  
"But why? What difference does it make if I know about some stupid crush some boy had on my mother over twenty years ago?"  
  
"I ain't sayin' no more." He folded his alabaster arms across his chest and turned his back on her, resuming his stiff and lifeless stance once more.  
  
"Thanks for your help," said Fanny bitterly and turned to the hall for support. There were perhaps half a dozen paintings along the wall that could easily have heard her exchange with the Satyr and three of these had humanoid subjects.  
  
"Do you know anything about this boy who liked my mother?" she asked a small urchin who squatted miserably out of the rain in the door frame of a seedy looking establishment. But instead of answering, he opened his mouth and began to bawl.  
  
"That really was rather tactless of you," said a quiet reproving voice behind her. Fanny turned to see an elderly lady, shriveled but distinguished in appearance, addressing her from what appeared to be the salon of an antiquated manor house. "Didn't you know that poor boy has lost his mother? She is not coming back, of course, but he insists upon waiting for her in that dreadful doorway. It never stops raining-he'll catch his death one of these days."  
  
"How was I to know?" Fanny wanted to feel bad for the boy, but at the moment she couldn't fit any more problems in her head. "Do you know about my mother?" she asked the old lady.  
  
"It is my business to know about every student within these walls," she sniffed.  
  
"Well?" she asked shortly, her patience running out. "Tell me please!"  
  
"You would do well to conduct yourself with a little decorum young lady. I have not the mind to speak with anyone so rude and vulgar." And with some effort, the matron rose and left the room. A few moments later, the door behind the young boy opened and the lady stepped out, retrieved the crying lad, and slammed the door behind them.  
  
Fanny sighed and checked her watch. Eight thirty. Her investigation was going nowhere and her head was beginning to hurt. The prospect of going back into her dorm to listen to the vapid chattering of the other Ravenclaws or to lie awake in bed remembering every loss and failure in her life with vivid clarity was not at all appealing. So, deciding a little company might help, she headed towards the Library. If she was lucky, she might just find Lily there.  
  
The approach of exams and the end of year had stirred the school into a state of unusual activity and there was almost no point during her walk that she was completely alone in the halls. Luckily she passed no one she knew and it was less than five minutes before she reached the library. Passing the reference desk, she heard Madam Liveris explaining loudly to a group of students that since she wasn't officially paid for overtime, they wouldn't get any last minute information out of her that evening. "You can read. Find it yourselves!" she said and planted herself behind a book, ignoring the crowd completely.  
  
Every table in the library was occupied and although Lily was nowhere to be seen, Fanny did find Sirius sitting alone at a carrel in the corner. She stood in an aisle for a few moments watching him and debating if she dared approach him. As he flipped tensely through his pile of books, he looked strangely alone and earnest to her eyes: a nice guy who never misled her, a real friend who wouldn't betray her. In a flash her bitter vengeful feelings towards Severus resurfaced while Sirius was cast by comparison in an almost angelic light. Sirius didn't play games, he was a man of action- his kiss proved that. And he didn't even resent her when she pushed him away.  
  
What had she been thinking? How could she have placed her bets on someone as unpredictable and cold as Severus when Sirius might have been a sure thing? Wasn't that what she wanted? A definite boyfriend, a distraction from her problems along with a little support and flattery so she wouldn't feel so totally alone? Was it too late, she wondered. Did he still like her, could she still win his affections? Did she really want to?  
  
Before she could sort through her tangled feelings any further an evil voice popped into her head. 'It would be the perfect revenge,' the voice said. 'Nothing could hurt that bastard Snape more, and you know it. Just imagine the look on his face when he sees you with him, holding hands or even kissing!' For a moment Fanny wavered, a flicker of compassion left in her heart for Snape who was quite possibly in a relationship for his family, as he had once suggested, and Sirius who might soon be seduced by a girl who wasn't seriously interested in him.  
  
But Fanny remembered that Violet was much prettier than her and more popular and the one shred of compassion that remained vanished in the face of her bitter resentment. Besides, Sirius wasn't that wonderful: he didn't even trust her to keep his little animagus secret. No, she didn't feel sorry for him. After all, if she succeeded, he would certainly get something in return. Gathering the remains of her composure, she walked over where he sat, pulled up a chair and sat down next to him.  
  
"Hi, Sirius. Can we talk.please?" She paused and waited for him to answer but he remained silent, his initial surprise at her sudden appearance quickly dissolving into a look of deep skepticism as he regarded her. Ignoring both her sense of pride and the guilt that threatened to creep up on her, she continued, pausing briefly a few times to wait for an answer from him. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier.I don't know why I walked away on you like that...Things have been crazy for me lately.And I've been so confused." It wasn't working and Fanny did not feel that she could afford to fail twice in one evening. Taking a deep breath, she cruelly pulled out her trump card. "It's just been such a difficult year, with my mo-mother and all" she choked, buried her head in her hands and cried. It wasn't such a lie, she reasoned. Her mother's death WAS horrible. Wasn't she entitled to a little erratic behavior?  
  
Sirius sighed and finally broke his silence. "Alright Fanny, stop crying. I'll listen to whatever you have to say." He no longer looked skeptical, but he still seemed extremely apprehensive.  
  
"Do you have that map on you?" she asked, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can we use it and go somewhere private, away from the school? Back to the cave maybe?"  
  
"If that's what you want," he said, and rose to leave after he had collected his books. Taking the lead, he walked in front of her the entire way, never speaking to her and pausing only to check that the coast was clear at the mirror on the fourth floor. Apparently her trump had won his company, but it had by no means obtained his forgiveness.  
  
By the time they arrived at the cave it was nearing ten o'clock. The air inside was cold but fresh, and the atmosphere became quite comfortable once Sirius had conjured a fire and thrown himself down by it.  
  
"Well?" he prompted impatiently. "Tell me what's on your mind so I can get back already."  
  
He sounded irritated and aloof, but Fanny knew better: he wouldn't have agreed to come all this way if he wasn't at least a little bit interested in what she had to say. It was only a small degree of encouragement, but it was all she had, and she clung to it tightly as she made her advance. Moving over to where he sat, she knelt down next to him.  
  
"I have made a mistake," she said softly and placed a hand on his arm. A look of shock passed over his face as her meaning sunk in, but he gathered himself quickly and sat up, gripping her arms tightly.  
  
"Don't play games, Fanny," he said.  
  
"No games." And with that she reached the end of her arguments and switched instead to the only persuasion she knew no teenage boy could reject. Leaning forward, she kissed him. It was awkward and inexperienced, but it worked: after only the briefest hesitation, Sirius took over the kiss and deepened it, smoothly progressing from closed mouth to open mouth and venturing within minutes to run his hands down her back and back up her chest. Perhaps his zeal was the result of a true affection he held for her, or maybe it was nothing more than an adolescent's obsession with sex. But whatever the cause, the effect was surprisingly pleasant. And although she wondered briefly if she should play the innocent and stop him before it went too far, she found herself as eager to reach the end as he was. She was helpless to encourage him.  
  
There was only warmth here and companionship and pleasant sensations. Someone was holding her, wanting her, becoming quickly aroused by touching her. When she took off her robes he turned them into a soft fur blanket and after she had removed her blouse she felt the tingling of the cool breeze play over her breasts as Sirius stood back to look at her. Sensation became overwhelming: the fur beneath her back, the warm tickling of hair as his chest moving against her, the coarse stubble that burned around her mouth, reminding her that she was being kissed hard. The slow progression to nakedness as piece by piece the layers were stripped until there was nothing left and she lay on her back, legs apart, feeling the heaviness and warmth of another body pressing down upon her, the knowledge that she was a woman finally clicking into place.  
  
There was a slight pain but it was not enough to penetrate the almost dream like unreality of the moment and she continued to drop into the strange and acute numbness as Sirius ascended into a frenzied ecstasy. Heady and wonderful, Fanny suddenly despaired at the thought of spending any amount of time without this closeness and as she thought, the events of the day crowded back into her mind. Would she be in the same position with someone else at this very moment if circumstances had been different? Would she have preferred it? She allowed the thought only a moment's light before she put it away and turned her attentions back to the warm body above her and the wonderful feelings it inspired.  
  
A/N: Don't worry-this story has not changed to a Sirius Black romance!!! Our darling Snape is not so easily buried. 


End file.
